Keepin' It Rural

Teenage rural drivers and fatal car crashes.

2009-06-10T15:18:00.003-05:00

A recent study by Allstate Insurance company reveals this sobering statistic:

Examining the rate of fatal crashes involving teens, the study finds that
rural areas have a much higher rate of fatal crashes involving teen drivers than
the rate in metro areas. Nationally, fatal crash rates for teens were over twice
as high for rural areas (51.5 crashes per 100,000 teens) than for metro areas
(25.4).

My first thought was 'drunk driving', because I think attitudes towards drinking and driving tend to be more lax in rural areas, but the article states speeding (34%) and lack of seat belt use (33%) as the two highest contributors, with alcohol use contributing to 12% of fatal teen accidents. And upon reflection that makes some sense. I never wore a seat belt with any regularity until my wife got pregnant with our daughter. And I drove much faster as a teenager than I do now.

One thing that is no mentioned in the report but which I am 100% confident is a contributing factor: roads. Accidents happen much easier on dirt or gravel roads, especially if you are speeding, and most rural blacktop roads do not have a shoulder, meaning there is no forgiveness if your tire strays past the white line. Locally, in our local townhall meetings with state representatives, one of the most common pleas is for state funding to put a shoulder on the highway north of our town.

Another thing that is not mentioned is that in virtually every rural town in America, there is a passtime shared among teenagers known as 'backroading', which I guess would be the rural equivelant to 'cruising', the main idea being that you pile as many people as possible into a car and drive around dirt roads for hours (often at night, often whilst drinking beer) with the music cranked up. I would imagine that, on the whole, rural teenagers spend a lot more time in automobiles backroading than metropolitan kids spend cruising (back in the day it wasn't unusual for me and my buddies to run through two full tanks of gas backroading on the weekends). This increased time driving, on bad roads, with no seatbelts, often intoxicated, probably adds to the problem as well (although, interestingly, speeding is usually not an issue... backroading generally occurs at a snail's pace).

I just thought this was interesting because I believe many parents move to rural towns with the belief that it is a safer environment for their children to grow up in, and in many respects this is true... but these figures were fairly shocking to me.

Rural Wisdom

2009-05-28T21:16:00.002-05:00

"Better to be judged by twelve than carried by six."

Self Defense or Cold Blooded Murder?

2009-05-28T20:43:00.003-05:00

This case is picking up traction here in OK:

Jerome Ersland is a disabled Gulf War veteran who works as a pharmacist in a crime ridden Oklahoma City neighborhood. Last week, two masked men held up the pharmacy at gunpoint demanding money and drugs. Mr. Ersland pulled a gun and shot one of the robbers in the face, then chased the second out the door (well, to the degree that a disabled 57-year-old man wearing a back brace can chase somebody). He then returned inside, claims he saw that the first man was still alive and trying to get up, so he retrieved a larger caliber gun and fired 5 more rounds into the abdomen of the downed man, and then immediately called the police. The second volley of shots killed the perpetrator, who turned out to be 16 years old (his accomplice was 14).

Yesterday, the Oklahoma DA's office charged Jerome Ersland with first degree murder.

I don't believe an Oklahoma jury will convict this man, but am interested to hear the thoughts of any readers who may still occasionally check this site in spite of my 30 day plus hiatus from posting.

Video below (you can't ever see the downed perp after he was shot the first time, so the claim that he was trying to get back up is based solely on the word of Mr. Ersland, a citizen with a clean record and military training.)

Lessons learned from this:

1) Use large calibers for self defense. I don't know what kind of pea shooter was used in the first shot, but very few perps will survive a shot to the head with a .45 round.

2) If you are ever involved in a self-defense killing, keep your mouth shut as far as the press is concerned. Mr. Ersland gave multiple accounts of the event to multiple news agencies just hours after it happened, and all of those will now be gone over with a fine-toothed comb for any discrepancies.

3) If you work in a place with video surveilance, save two rounds: One for the camera and one for the tape!

4) Even in Oklahoma, one of the friendliest states for gun rights and self defense, a man who leaves his house in the morning just trying to make it through an honest day of work isn't safe to defend himself in a reasonable manner from the tyranny of evil men, thanks their pernicious civic defenders.

Money and Politics

2009-04-06T12:04:00.004-05:00

I was watching an interview with billionaire oilman T. Boone Pickens on C-SPAN this weekend. Even though I"m not 100% on-board with his energy plan, I have to give Pickens kudos for being one of the few successful businessmen in this country who is addressing our energy issues with any sense of reason. He also has the kind of wit that I appreciate... he sounds like every old and successful Okie oilman I know, and those are some of my favorite people to converse with.

Anyway, during this interview somebody asked him about what he has learned about a citizen's ability to influence their government, and what it will take to get wholesale change in our energy policy. His answer was very informing. I don't have a direct quote, but paraphrased, it went something like this:

When I first became a millionaire many years ago, I petitioned my Congressman for a meeting about some issues that were important to me. It took months to set up the meeting, and I had to spend hours waiting in his office before he finally saw me. He gave me about 30 minutes of his time, listened patiently to my comments, asked a few questions, and nothing ever came of it. Now, I've stayed politically engaged over the years, been a huge contributor to many campaigns and issues, and what I've learned is that as my wealth has increased, the only thing that's changed is the amount of time it takes me to get an appointment and how long I have to wait once I get there. As a billionaire, I can get an appointment with a Senator tomorrow, and they'll be waiting for me as soon as I get off the plane... and they'll listen patiently for about 30 minutes, ask a few questions, and nothing ever comes of it. I don't know exactly what it takes to get our politicians to take action, but contrary to popular belief, money ain't it!

Rural Wisdom: To The Dogs

2009-03-18T14:33:00.002-05:00

My grandad, viewing the earth's worn cogs;
Said things were going to the dogs;
His grandad in his house of logs;
Said things were going to the dogs;
His grandad in the Flemish bogs;
Said things were going to the dogs;
His grandad in his old skin togs;
Said things were going to the dogs;
There's one thing that I have to state-
Those dogs have had a good long wait.

-Unsourced (I found this in an old book full of random quotes, and would love to know who it is attributed to!)

Live Bald Eagle Cam

2009-03-05T11:02:00.002-06:00

I thought this was pretty cool. The Sutton Center in Stillwater, OK set up an artifical tree last year after the regular tree, used annually by a pair of nesting balg eagles, fell down. They put a digital movie camera in the new tree, and now there are three eggs due to hatch sometime around March 15th. The live footage updates a few times per second, so it is more like a video than still pictures. Lots of good clips of the mommy bird.

http://www.suttoncenter.org/eaglecam.html

Bald Eagles are awesome creatures. I'm glad Benjamin Franklin lost out on his plan to make the turkey our national bird. Turkeys are interesting in their own way, and anybody who has ever hunted one knows they are pretty bright, but who wants to eat their own national emblem?

Thoughts on Obama, two months in, and on the state of the GOP.

2009-03-04T00:08:00.004-06:00

What to make of President Obama so far? I'll set aside policy for a moment, so that I may write with a clear head. I think Obama is a decent man who genuinely wants what he considers to be good things for this country. I think he is intelligent, thoughtful, extremely well spoken, and can offer many conservatives a lesson or two on rhetoric, poise, and style. Obama is the real deal when it comes to giving a thoughtful speech. I was watching a Q&A session he did for CSPAN that had been recorded in 2004, weeks after he won his Senate seat, plugging his 'Dreams Of My Father' book. There was no teleprompter, he was taking random questions from the crowd and speaking off the cuff and at length about his life's story and his thoughts on race and politics in America (not a word of policy though) and in that context I completely understand why his supporters have such a respect for his heart and his intellect. When given the time to speak candidly (something we likely won't see again now that he is President), he cares about the issues he is discussing enough to make an intellectual trip all the way around their orbit, even if he knows in advance exactly where he is going to land. (Republicans don't do that enough, myself included. They don't give the other side any respect or credibility at all, and it comes off looking like either arrogance, which it often is, or ignorance, which it usually isn't.) He would make a great college professor, or as a male version of Oprah he would be unparallelled on television (and before that is written off as a snub, consider the power Oprah has in America, especially over many issues Obama holds near and dear to his heart). And I believe he is an intellectually curious person, in ways that his predecessor was not. I heard General Petraeus questioned on one of the Sunday morning talk shows the other day, about what were some of the differences in Obama's cabinet meetings as compared to President Bush's, and I thought his answer was very telling, it went something like this: President Obama proactively seeks an opinion from every person in the room, while President Bush was content to just hear from those who were willing to speak up. I've worked for both kinds of people, and I prefer the ones who solicit opinions. The ones who wait for people to speak usually end up hearing only from the people who know their words will find an ear receptive to their ideas, and the people who don't speak are often misjudged as having given consent to an idea they may actually disagree with.

If Obama were just exactly like he is now, except with conservative/libertarian principals and values, he would be my favorite President of the modern era.

But alas, the proof is in the pudding, and this pudding tastes like the cat pissed in it.

All the nicey-nice things I have heretofore said about our President do nothing to change the fact that, in just under two months, he has embraced and enacted more lousy policy than we've seen in this country in the last 25 years combined. I opposed Obama during the election, even though I found little solace in the McCain/Palin alternative, because I knew he had a socialist streak in him that was capable of doing great harm to this country. But I never in a million years imagined he could do so much harm, so fast, with so little debate, discussion, or obstruction. Even President Bush, whose big spending domestic policies I often despised, took the time to bring them forward for study, debate, and amendment. Obama simply gave us the bum rush, workin the nation up into a frothy tizzy, and then shoving this legislation down our throats before anybody had time to think about it. I bought a car under similar duress once and it did not turn out well.

And even in the face of all this, I'm willing to give Obama credit for following his heart. It is what liberals do when they see a problem: ANYTHING to fix it, and to hell with the consequences. I've got people like that in my family, and they are all Democrats, and there is nobody I'd rather have on my side if I was in trouble. It is a quality that is easy to find endearing, but it is also what makes them such miserable and even suicidal policy makers.

You can't govern with a blind eye to consequences and expect to survive long. Ask the GOP how that worked out for them.

Obama says this is the change he was elected to enact, but the polling numbers don't back him up on this. A clear majority are worried that he has spent too much, with too little understanding of what it is supposed to do, where the end zone lies, or what the metrics of success are supposed to be (and the increasingly hard to find supporters of his initiatives find themselves in the odd position of defending the kinds of open-ended policies they raised bloody hell about when George W. Bush enacted them). Are we supposed to feel better about the state of the country if the economy improves but inflation cranks 30%? Are we supposed to feel like things have improved if we get a health care plan that is funded entirely by borrowed money? I'm not for the type of government sponsored health care that Obama supports, but even if I was I'd have the common sense to know it has to be bankrolled by something more tangible than hope.

The Democrats have already lost the 2010 elections, if the Republicans are smart enough to capitalize on their stupidity, which is a big 'if'. The Democrats may have already lost the White House in 2012, if the Republicans can find somebody with equal measures of brain and spine to run (OK, maybe the Dems have the WH locked up for awhile). The Republican field is not very inspiring right now, but they stand to benefit from the exact same phenomenon that brought the Dems to power in '06, which is to say that they aren't the other party.

My completely unsolicited advice for Republican politicians and officials is as follows:

-Keep talking about personal responsibility.

-Tie that discussion to another one, about how responsible Americans must decide how to fund the type of government Obama is creating. Obama has never once breached this topic in any serious way, and the answer is untenable for Americans of every class, color, religion, and creed, because it involves more than half of their take home pay.

-Press for a balanced budget amendment, it will be popular and it will force Obama's hand on explaining how he intends to fund the new utopia.

-Now would be the absolute perfect time to start hashing out the terms of 'Contract With America, Part II'. Make a big production out of it, let its existance be known but keep the details top secret for months. Keep it simple, no more than 5 objectives, and they should all be big, paradigm shifting objectives that focus on stuff like fiscal responsibility, tax reform, broken political machinery, and protection of constitutional rights. No marriage amendments or flag burning amendment. No wordy plattitudes about things you can't do anything about. Stuff with teeth, and that only.

-Your alternative to the Stimulus plan and the various bailouts shouldn't be a smaller version of those same atrocities, your alternative should be that we are going to take our lumps now over the short term instead of forcing them on our children over the long term, starting with people who can't afford their McMansion, the banks who loaned them the money, and the people who invested in the banks. They're called 'losses' and have been a part of the business cycle from the dawn of history, right up until a few months ago when Obama and Bush decided we would just do away with them.

-When discussing the above point, memorize the following quote, which I stole and combined from two different sources, and use it liberally: "There is nothing quite so depressing as good advice, but we have to remember right now despair is the only mortal sin."

-Study old footage of Milton Friedman. He was an intellectual conservative who had a unique way of debating liberals. He didn't antagonize them, or split hairs with them, or negotiate away valuable principals with them... he calmly and confidently reasoned with them, and he made them think. Conservative politicians seem increasingly unable to do this, and for the life of me I do not understand why.

-Attend these 'Tea Parties' with your constituents. They are the most logical place to look for the future leadership of the party. And if they someday decide to start lynching politicians, maybe they'll remember you were there.

-If a mortgage has been sold, cut up, and resold so many times that nobody is really sure who owns what part of it anymore, give the mortgage holders 60 days to figure it out, and after that put the damn thing up for public auction. (you'll only have to auction a few of them, because once the mortgage holders understand you are serious, they'll get their shit together and take their lumps, rather than lose entire mortgages).

-Any time oil is under $50 a barrel, any Republican who utters the words 'national energy policy' should get kicked hard in the nuts by the party chairman.

-Obama is a smooth enough character and has enough sycophants in the national media that he will likely retain decent popularity no matter what happens in the economy. Use this to your advantage. Instead of insulting him all the time, scour his old speeches and campaign documents with an eye for all the moderate and even conservative sounding rhetoric he has espoused over the years. Find things you could agree with him about that he has since backtracked on (such as funding new programs by making cuts in old programs, or going over every government program line by line to see if they work) and hold his toes to the fire in a very pubic way.

-You don't have to diss or distance yourself from Rush or Hannity or Coulter, but realize they are ultimately (and rightfully) more concerned about getting paid than about adding anything substantial to the debate, so it is fine to respectfully dismiss them when they are controversially grandstanding for ratings, even if you agree with them in principal. And don't ever apologize for doing so. Dumbass.

- Social Networking is your friend. Learn it. Use it. The dems are kicking your ass at this. Plus it is cheap and your base still doesn't trust you enough to fork over any money, and they will all be out of a job soon anyway, so you better make due with what you got.

-If the median price of a home in Michigan is really $18,000 (or whatever ridiculously low price they keep saying on the news) then every person who is in mortgage trouble in another state who has a job that would allow them to telecommute should be excluded from getting any mortgage assistance. There is affordable housing elsewhere. Very affordable.

That's all I got folks. Your mileage may vary.

Rural Wisdom

2009-02-16T12:41:00.002-06:00

"...nothing Mozart ever produced is as beautiful as a high school drum line during the warm-ups of a football game as heard from the field." -C. Brooks Kurtz

(excerpted from an excellent column he just posted about leadership. Read the whole thing. )

Storm Pix

2009-02-11T08:42:00.005-06:00

Tornados is February. That's crazy weather even for Oklahoma. My heart goes out to the people of Lone Grove, about 60 miles from us, who lost seven lives and untold property last night. It is actually pretty rare for an Oklahoma tornado to claim lives, but when they come at night, wrapped in rain, and hit rural areas... the chances go up quite a bit. We were lucky enough here to only get rain (which we needed badly), strong winds, and a little hail.

I managed to snap a few pictures before the rain started coming down. This is the trailing edge of the same storm that dropped a tornado on OKC:

These last two pix have nothing to do with the weather, they are just some pictures I snapped last weekend of a woodpecker and some other birds that were loitering outside the kitchen window. I thougth they turned out pretty good, and are a little more lighthearted than deadly thunderstorms:

Stimulus plan gets a rare "5 Johnny" rating from me.

2009-02-09T13:14:00.005-06:00

Same goes for TARPII. Same goes for every politician who votes for either bill:

Recessions and even depressions are temporary. The damage done by this bill will be with us forever.

A (timely) Pararable of Stupid Government

2009-02-05T09:09:00.002-06:00

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold ?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied,' The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'

Rural Wisdom

2009-01-30T18:43:00.003-06:00

"I been payin' my dues on the installment plan,
and putting heartache on the tab,
Tryin' to figure out what folks are really about...
it's gonna drive this hayseed mad."
-Bob Childers

Stimulus Idea

2009-01-28T10:05:00.005-06:00

As Congress and President Obama are on the verge of passing near-trillion dollar "stimulus package", which, along with our "regular" spending, is likely to push our deficit up to over $1.5 Trillion in 2009, I have begun to wonder: why do we need to pay taxes at all? If the government can borrow that much money and get away with it, why don't we just completely finance the government with debt and printed paper? Sure, there are likely to be consequences for this down the line, but will they be any worse than the consequences of $1.5 Trillion deficits? Doubtful. I mean, really, what's a few trillion dollars among friends? In real terms, is a $3 Trillion deficit any worse than a $1.5 Trillion deficit? We aren't in any shape to repay either one, so why not go for broke? In the meantime, who wants to argue that letting Americans keep ALL their federal tax obligations wouldn't stimulate the economy in a major way? It's a true bipartisan solution, the Democrats can keep all their beloved spending programs, and everybody else can keep all their beloved money.

A year ago this would have seemed like a dumb question, but in this bright new era of hope and change, it now seems like a legitimate query. If they are going to run this sucker off the cliff, why not let the rest of us off the hook for the last few years? I call it the "You Can Have It All Plan", and I think it would be a winner for whatever political party wanted to pick up the ball and run with it. And I'm not really kidding anymore.

Rural Wisdom

2009-01-26T14:22:00.003-06:00

"If you ever want to know why rural people only clean out their barns in the cold of winter, just ask them about the size of the shed snake skins they find whilst performing said cleaning."

-This is my own personal addition to the canon of rural wisdom, and yes, it was about 5 feet long.

It Is Chili Time

2009-01-26T13:38:00.002-06:00

It finally feels like winter around here. We are experiencing some freezing rain, which means tomorrow morning the roads will be capped with a half-inch of glazed ice, schools will be canceled, society in general will shut down, and everybody will stay home and make chili.

I'm not much of a cook. Aside from regular breakfast fare and some campfire food (I'm pretty good with a dutch oven, and will get around to posting about that one of these days), there is only one type of food I am passionate about cooking (I am passionate about eating damn near everything, but cooking is a different story), and that is chili.

A lot of people like to argue about what exactly constitutes a good chili. There is the common debate about whether it is permissible to add beans to one's chili (I say chili without beans is just spicy spaghetti sauce), and then there is the position put forward by the true purist (usually a Texan) that only whole beef cubes are allowable, never ground beef. Then there are the people who eschew store-bought seasoning packets for their own personal recipes with home-ground exotic peppers and spices that must be special ordered.

While I must admit I find those debates fascinating, I also don't really care. The purists would likely string me up if they saw my recipe, which includes beans, ground beef, and even carrots. Personally, I think chili is a lot like sex. The worst I ever had was pretty damn good. About a quarter of the time I put too many juices in my chili and it ends up being more of a spicy beef stew, and you know what? It'll still make you feel better on a cold day.

So with that said, here is my chili recipe:

Half a pack of bacon, cut up.
2lbs of ground beef (I've used cubed beef before and it was good, but really, who keep beef cubes in their freezer?)
Half a stick of butter
2 cans of black beans
2 chopped up tomatoes (or a can of stewed tomatoes)
1 can of tomato sauce
1 small can of tomato paste
About half of a large white onion, chopped
A couple of sliced up carrots.
1 chopped up bell pepper, any color
A couple of chopped up pieces of celery (I can't stand celery by itself, but when used in cooking it is one of my favorite flavors).
2 minced garlic cloves (or a few shakes of garlic salt)
One packet of Chili Seasoning, your pick
1 Dallop of the spiciest mustard in your fridge.
4 or 5 good shakes of Worcestershire Sauce
4 or 5 good shakes of Tabasco
About a tablespoon of brown sugar
About a tablespoon of Hershey's cocoa mix (unsweet)
The rest of the can of beer you were drinking.
At this point, you can pretty much just throw in whatever else you have laying around that sounds good, including the other half of that stick of butter.

Fry the bacon, then brown the beef in the bacon drippings, then throw all this in the crock pot on low for a good 8-10 hours, then eat it for the next four or five days, until you are so sick of chili, you refuse to touch it again until next year's first ice storm.

Your mileage may vary, good luck!

Hard Times

2009-01-23T15:41:00.004-06:00

No, not those kind of hard times.

Today, I am thinking about beef jerky, fruit of the gods... well, the more manly gods at least.
My name is Eric and I am a beef-jerky-aholic. If money and profitability were no object, I would absolutely be running one of those gourmet jerky shops right now. If somebody were to put some rabbit or squirrel or endangered black rhinoceros jerky in front of me, I'd eat it without a second thought. Such are the depths of my addiction.

And when it comes to jerky, this local standard is the benchmark for me:

Not too hard, not to soft (moist jerky... yuk), not too spicy or too bland, there is nothing pretentious about it, yet it is commonly decent enough to come with its own toothpick. The drier variety of Tilamook Country jerky is a close runner up, and there are some jerkies that are more nuanced, novel, or exciting in their flavor, but if you just want some good beef jerky, this is your huckleberry. It's good stuff, plain and simple. Get ya some.

Class dismissed.

Attn Wichita Mountain Refuge Users

2009-01-21T13:05:00.003-06:00

I know I have a few readers here who are frequent visitors to the Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge. Just a heads up that the government agency responsible for oversight of the refuge is in the process of collecting information from the public regarding its future direction and use.

More information can be gotten here (though this site is more geared towards climbers, they give a good overview about the process and how you might influence its outcome).

One thing I'd like to see is for more of the Refuge to become accessible by the public. The Special Use portion of the refuge, which comprises about two-thirds of its area, is only accessible by certain observation and educational programs. I had the opportunity to go back there a few weeks ago when we went on the park's Bald Eagle Observation tour, and it is some of the prettiest scenery to be seen at the park, and is also home to the more sizable buffalo herds (I spent more time watching two bulls butt heads with each other than I spent watching eagles).

There is no good reason this part of the park couldn't be opened up for back country camping , wildlife observation, and climbing.

Just something to consider if you end up contacting the US Fish and Wildlife Service about the parks future! ;-)

First Tax Increase of the Obama Era

2009-01-21T10:10:00.003-06:00

A little ironic that the company who calculates my business's payroll taxes for us sent out this reminder yesterday. While this tax law was obviously written before Obama took office, let us note that if you make over $102,000 or employ anyone who does, your federal taxes will go up during the first year of the Obama Administration, compared to the year before... the same Obama Administration that promised nobodies taxes would increase unless they were making over $250K. The right thing for Obama to do would be to roll this back, immediately.

Strike One.

2009 Social Security Changes
Just a reminder that the amount of earnings taxable for Social Security (Old Age, Survivors, and Disability Insurance, or "OASDI") for tax year 2009 will be increasing to $106,800 from $102,000. The tax rate will remain at 6.2%. This means that the maximum tax payable by an employee for 2009 will be $6,621.60. This is an increase of $297.60 because in 2008, the maximum tax payable by an employee was $6,324.00. Employers will still be required to match the employee's contribution.

Civil Disobedience

2009-01-20T09:42:00.002-06:00

Since I am already sick to death of being told by the new POTUS that I need to behave more responsibly (by whose definition?), I am trying to think of some legal ways to not do that. Here are some thoughts:

1) Since inflation is about to crank up and decimate the real value of your savings account, why not go blow that money on a completely selfish purchase while it is still worth something? That $5,000 in your Contingency Savings Account will soon only be worth $2000... rather than just watch that money evaporate into the ether, are you sure you wouldn't rather have one of these?

2) Take a newly reformed gambling addict to the Indian Casino "to get some lunch."

3) Buy an assault weapon. (Yes, I'm a little late hopping on this bandwagon, with President Obama already having been named Gun Salesman Of The Year).

4) Spend every second of the first weekend of the Obama Era sitting on your sofa watching sports and drinking beer.

5) Help your neighbor fix their leaky faucet... and then send them a bill.

6) Take your kids to the most destitute part of your town, and instead of getting out and offering to help, tell your child, "See, this is what happens when girls get pregnant before finishing high school and then marry men who refuse to work for a living." Then go home and eat a nice fat steak.

7) Make money, and then selfishly bury it in your back yard.

I feel better already. Any more suggestions?

An open letter to President Bush (part two)

2009-01-19T20:17:00.003-06:00

I will go light on the criticism here, because criticism of you has been done to death and I don't really have anything new to add, but here are some things I'd like to have seen you do differently:

I would have enjoyed seeing you champion the fiduciary responsibilities of our government with as much gusto as you championed its liberty-protecting responsibilities. The two are fatefully intertwined.

I wish you would have spent more time squaring your proclivity for huge government programs with your professed belief that individuals are the entities best qualified to make intelligent decisions about their own lives.

I would have enjoyed seeing you stick up for yourself a bit more often.

I know you read more books during your Presidency than did most Americans (including me). I would like to have, on occasion, heard your thoughts and ruminations on the ideas you encountered within their pages.

I wish you would have dropped the deliberate mispronunciation of the word "nuclear" after the first few months of your Presidency... but that is admittedly just a personal tick.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I wish you would have left the markets alone during your last few months in office, as painful as that would have been for everybody. The harm done by these bailouts will be serious and long lasting, and many of the people you bailed out should probably have been sent to jail instead.

And with that, I say goodbye to you, sir. I look forward to seeing how your Presidency is treated by history, and how your successor measures up. There is a lot of hope in this country right now (well, not within a 300 mile radius of where I live, but if you keep driving you'll find it), and that is a good thing, hope is always a good thing, though it is never enough in and of itself. When the sun sets on Inauguration Eve, all our problems will still be with us, and serious answers are still nowhere to be found. I think America is about to get a refresher course in that old truism which says, "what cannot be remedied must be endured." And we will endure. It is in our DNA. And someday, on the other side of all this, I hope some clearer heads will give you the credit you deserve, which is not to say that you should be paraded as a hero, but recognized as a simple man who did the best he could during very troubling times, with an honest heart and the courage of conviction. For good or ill, there's nothing more American than that.

Godspeed and Best Regards.

PS A message from my daughter, who just looked over my shoulder and saw that I was writing you a letter, and accepted my invitation to add something to it: "Hi, Mr President. I would like ice cream for everyone. Raining ice cream. Bye."

An open letter to President Bush (part one)

2009-01-18T12:34:00.003-06:00

Some final thoughts on the Bush Presidency here. I started to write this as one piece, but it took more time than I originally thought, so I decided to break up into two parts... part one is praise, part two (coming soon) is criticism.

Dear Mr. President,

Well, sir, it has been quite a ride since that day in September of 2000 when you got caught on a hot mic calling a New York Times reporter a "major league asshole", which in retrospect is probably the moment I decided to vote for you (I was never going to vote for Al Gore, but had considered staying home). Since then, I have laughed with you and at you, have praised you, cursed you, offered various intensities of support and criticism, and now at the end of this saga, a few parting words seem appropriate.

First, some words of thanks for things you have done and attempted to do. Foremost, you kept my family safe. My daughter was 6 weeks old on 9/11, and I'll never forget holding her in my arms as the events of that day unfolded and feeling an existential rage at the world for falling apart just as she had arrived. Like millions of Americans, I knew in my bones that domestic terrorist attacks were going going to become part of my reality, something that happened with increasing frequency. On that day, I'd have never believed that 7 years could go by without another major attack happening. I'm sure that I will never fully know or appreciate all the events that transpired to keep that 2nd attack from happening, but I do know that my daughter is growing up in a world where she doesn't fear getting blown up by a suicide bomber when we go to the grocery store, and I have serious doubts that this would be as true if Al Gore or John Kerry had presided over the response to 9/11. I'll abide an awful lot of necessary evils to keep my family safe from harm, and waterboarding enemy combatants is just the tip of the iceberg.

Secondly, thank you for leaving me alone. Aside from protection from aggression and fraud, there isn't much more I expect or even want from the federal government. Left to my own vices over the last 8 years, I was able to start a family, buy a better home in a better community, begin living a healthier lifestyle, start my own business, keep more of the money that I made, take many wonderful vacations, and generally improve every single area of my life that I chose to focus on. By passing law to create insurance options for Healthcare Savings Accounts, you've allowed my family to knock about $2000 off of our annual healthcare expenditures (which doesn't exactly qualify as leaving me alone, but it does allow me better access to health coverage without any government interference in the system). Over the last 8 years, I saw my income triple, and while it took a big step backwards in 2008, it is still much higher than it was in 2000, and already showing signs of improvement. This has more to do with my actions than it does yours, but many of my actions were predicated on a belief that my government wasn't actively seeking to punish me every time I made financial headway. If I was considering going into business for myself for the first time today, Obama's talk of "spreading the wealth around" would certainly give me pause. And with all the talk of mandatory service, fairness doctrines, selfishness, and "social justice", I truly fear that my government is about to become a much larger obstacle to my continued success (and the future success of my daughter) than it has ever been in the past. For all the criticisms I've directed your way over the last 8 years, your willingness to leave me alone may be the thing I miss about you the most.

Finally, thank you for trying some stuff that didn't work out. It is never politically popular to take risks, and I find great fault with many of the risks you did take, but some of them were worth the trouble, IMHO. You made an honest push to do something about Social Security, even though the idea of privatized accounts never caught on, and that is more than anybody has attempted since Reagan. While I'd prefer to see Social Security scrapped (population demographics virtually guarantee that it is about to become an unbearably heavy financial burden for this country), I realize that my opinion is a minority one, and I appreciate any attempts made to fix the system that don't include raising my taxes. Your administration also made several attempts to warn Congress about the looming disaster at Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, and to prompt them to take action to forestall it (something the White House had no authority to do). The media's steadfast refusal to acknowledge this fact (they often falsely report the opposite) has been one of the most frustrating things I've ever seen them do. In Iraq, you were faced with a tough decision whether to ignore intelligence that could endanger American lives or to take action on it. Too often, I think you are faulted for the ultimately false nature of the intelligence (which had everybody fooled, not just you), rather than praised for your willingness to take action on it in the first place, in order to keep us safe. I never supported the idea of us using our military to create democracies, but I did (and do) support the idea of keeping WMD's out of the hands of tyrants and extremists. Like many Americans, I supported the war in Iraq for that reason, and even though I don't think it was ultimately worth the price we paid, I don't fault you for taking action, and I don't believe you intentionally deceived the American people about anything.

Another Texan President, LBJ, once said, "If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read 'President Can't Swim.' ", and that attitude has never been more true than in the case of your Presidency. Aside from a short time just after 9/11, you have never been given a fair shake from the mainstream media. You came to power during a year of government surplus, and were ridiculed by the press for spending $40 Million on inauguration ceremonies. Obama comes to power during the biggest defecit of all time and the same reporters almost wet themselves with praise and anticipation of his $150 Million inaugural bash. That is just one of an near endless litany of injustices done to you by the press, and I would not be surprised to someday read in your memoirs that dealing with those "major league assholes" was your least favorite part of your job. There were times when you had ample reason to pursue legal remedy for some of the things done to you by them, and it speaks highly of your respect for free speech that you did not.

[To be continued...]

Politics and the 7-year-old-brain

2009-01-17T15:50:00.003-06:00

Whilst driving my daughter to school Friday morning, the following conversation ensued:

"Daddy, what's an inauguration?"

"Well, that's when the person who won the Presidential election promises to follow the Constitution and then officially becomes our new President."

"Wait, you mean Barack Obama isn't the President yet? I thought he became President as soon as he won."

"It takes a little time for the incoming President to pick all the people who are going to help him do his job, and to learn all the cool secret stuff that he'll need to know when he becomes President. Plus, they all like to throw a big party whenever it happens, and it takes awhile to plan a big party."

"Oh. Well that explains why we still have President Bush's picture hanging up in our class. I guess we'll have to take it down and put up Barack Obama's picture pretty soon."

"Yep, pretty soon."

"You didn't vote for Barack Obama, did you daddy?"

"Nope. I thought the other guy would have been better, but I wasn't too thrilled about either one of them. "

"Why not?"

"Well... you know how when you want me to buy you toys all the time, and I tell you that if I buy all those toys we won't have enough money left to keep the electricity on, or to help you go to college later?"

"Yeah."

"You understand how that works, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, neither of those guys understand how that works, and it kind of scares me that you can understand it but they can't."

"Well duh, that's just math. Maybe they didn't have very good teachers in school."

"Maybe not."

"You know what scares me?"

"What's that?"

"George Washington had wooden teeth. That sounds freaky scary."

"It certainly does."

Prediction

2009-01-09T10:39:00.002-06:00

In 30 years, when Tim Tebow runs for President of The United States (and of North America, and of The World, and of the Milky Way Galaxy) on the Republican ticket, Oklahoma will finally turn totally blue on the electoral map.

Sore losers? You damn skippy.

Because it bears saying...

2009-01-08T14:46:00.003-06:00

Regardless of who wins the OU/Florida game tonight, regardless of the justifiable-yet-overplayed conniptions of Utah/Texas/USC, regardless of the universal desire among fans for a better championship system (which will inevitably become just as unfair and hated as the current one, mark my words), regardless of the shortsighted folks who I fear are unwittingly going to turn college football season into something as dreary and uninteresting as the NFL or, worse yet, college hoops, regardless of ALL that... at the end of the day, they only give out one of these every year:

The football on top is made of Waterford crystal valued at over $30,000, and the team who takes it home is the National Champion, no ifs, ands, or buts. Let's dispense with all the BS talk about split national champions. USC is wrong when they claim to have part of the NC Title for 2004 (LSU took home the crystal trophy that year), and Texas/Utah/USC will all be wrong if they claim to have part of one this year. Those teams can make arguments that the system unfairly excluded them from a shot at the championship, but that is a completely different argument than claiming to be a co-owner of the championship (which is almost as rediculous an argument as the one which says the way to improve our economy is for the government to spend an extra trillion dollars). Any team who wants to officially claim that being ranked #1 in the AP poll makes them a National Champion should then be banned from playing in future BCS games, since they categorically do not recognize the authority of the BCS to name a champion.

Anyway, having gotten that off my chest...

Boomer Sooner!

Busy Making Hay

2009-01-07T12:04:00.006-06:00

"Gotta make hay while the sun's shinin' !"

If I heard that phrase once growing up, I heard it a thousand times. And right now it feels very appropriate.

Business is fairly booming. A soft economy usually equates to companies being more interested in the cost-saving services my business offers. We are also doing some new marketing and it seems to be paying off. Lots of work to do at the office, which is a blessing. I also have to do an inventory reconciliation for tax purposes, which involves meticulously counting thousands of individual parts and pieces, which is not so much of a blessing... especially for somebody as unmeticulous as myself.

I'm in the process of buying some cows, which means I have a bunch of fence that must be repaired first.

My brother-in-law is bringing a new horse over for us to take care of for awhile.

"Uno", the one-eared pig that my uncle and I are feeding out, is getting fat and must soon be taken to the butcher.

After much hem-hawing, obstacle hurdling, and then putting it aside for the holidays, my wife has finally gotten me to promise to have our used bookstore ready to open by the end of the month, which means I have been busy knocking holes in walls and building bookshelves, with much more busywork in store in the coming weeks.

And we haven't even taken our Christmas tree down yet.

So I probably won't get much blogging done over the next month or so, but will be back after that. In the meantime, keep low and wear bright colors.

Just for fun, here is the video of our first rocket launch... it was a little windy that day, and the rocket turned towards the horizon pretty quickly (did you know rockets actually turn into the wind? It makes sense when you see it happen, but was quite a surprise for us after spending a lot of time picking a launch site with lots of clear space downwind.)

Photo meme

2008-12-30T17:09:00.003-06:00

I received an email with this challenge, and thought it might make a better blog post than an email forward, so here it is:

1) Go to computer folder where you keep your photos stored.
2) Pick the 5th photo folder from the beginning.
3) Pick the 5th picture in that folder.
4) Attach the picture and explain it.

This is a picture from May of '05, of my wife's grandmother and her aunt, at the College Of William and Mary in Virginia (founded in 1693, the second oldest university in the nation, where Thomas Jefferson went to college), where her grandmother received an honorary PhD in Linguistics for her work with the Creek/Muscogee language.

It is actually an interesting story. Margaret (my wife's grandmother) was raised in a household where Creek was the first language. In fact, her mother, who I got to know for a few years before she passed away, didn't speak any English at all. After Margaret had grown up and raised her own family, she retired from her job as a truck driver and returned to her hometown in the Creek Nation and noticed that fewer and fewer people were speaking Creek, and it was being taught to almost none of the chidlren.

She then made it her life's mission to preserve the language so that it would never be completely lost, as so many Native American languages have. To do this, she had to develop the first ever structured curriculum for teaching the Creek language, including creating from scratch a modern Creek Dictionary (the only other existing dictionary was last published over 150 years ago and was woefully thin and incomplete). This mission led her on an incredible educational journey. She often jokes around that 'In order to learn to properly teach Creek, I first had to learn English better than most English professors." And all her work was a result of her own initiatives. She only had a high school education when she began this endeavor.

She also has been involved in translating many historical Creek documents and letters to English for the Smithsonian and other museums. About 10 years ago, she started teaching a small Creek Language class at the University of Oklahoma, and this has since spawned three more advanced classes and a small faculty that includes one of her daughters (pictured above). She still has plans to start a school for children in her hometown, where half of the classes are taught in Creek.

She's truly an amazing woman, and her life is a testament to the power of following one's dreams, even if you don't get started until retirement! (some retirement... at 75 years old, she's one of the busiest people I know). Lucky for me, her grandaughter has that same spark and love of life and learning.

It was quite an honor for her to accept the honorary PhD from William & Mary, which resulted from her impressing the hell out of one of her colleuges from that institution when she was working on the dictionary.

I hadn't looked at these pictures in a few years, so this exercise was well worth the time.

You should try it.

Pioneer Profile: Dan W. Jones

2008-12-23T10:52:00.002-06:00

From the memoirs of Dan W. Jones. I think Louis L'Amour may have stolen this story verbatim for a short story of his I once read:

December 24th, 1899
A Memorable Christmas on the Chisolm Trail

Coming to me where I sit this Christmas Eve is the sound of music from a brass band. It comes from the M.E. Church house which stands just where my old Red Fork Ranch stood in 1875. A Christmas festival is in progress; the church is filled to overflowing. My oldest boy, E.D., is playing the tube horn, my youngest boy, Bennie, the snare drum. In listening to the music and merry-making there comes to me the memory of a Christmas present I had come to me twenty-two year ago.

Banker Haworth and Col. Matlock of Arkansas City, Kansas, stopped at my ranch on the 20th day of December, 1877, on their way home from Indian agencies below. They arranged to stay with me for a few days and hunt, desiring to secure a few wild turkeys and deer if possible, to carry with them to Arkansas City for Christmas. The weather was stormy and cold. On the 22nd they had a few turkeys but no deer. On the 23rd, at their request, I got my gun and went after a deer. It was a terrible day with a driving snow, and it was growing colder every hour. I rode east into the timber. I succeeded in getting a shot, killing a doe and severely wounding another one, after which I took chase but failed to get it; Haworth and Matlock started early on the morning of the 24th for Arkansas City with the deer, facing a terribly cold wind. Soon after they left the ranch I saddled my horse - the mean devil - and rode out to look after my cattle that were drifting from the storm down the river. I rode east into the timber, then south by the Pecan Springs, thence on southwest to the Cimarron River. There in the sand hills I found a bunch of my cattle and started back driving them toward the springs. Oh! but it was different as I turned facing the terrible wind. I had succeeded in getting the cattle out of the hills, then started them across the bottom. I was well wrapped but I thought my face would freeze. A calf was giving me trouble in trying to run back. I spurred the horse up, heading the calf. It turned in behind the horse. I checked the horse, and in trying to obey the bit in a sudden rein I have him to the left, his feet being on ice, went into the air, and the horse lit almost on my back. I struck the frozen ground full length and the wild devil sprang to his feet and went galloping down the river. I lay dazed for a short time and as I began to pull myself together, I sat up and found the left side of my face was bruised, my left shoulder and arm hurt, my left leg broken smack off, just above the ankle, and the bones in my foot crushed. It was 9 o'clock the day before Christmas. I was a little over three miles from the ranch, hardly a show for help, and oh! I was so cold. Thermometer, 8 below zero.

I thought, "Johnny, this is a little the worst wreck you have struck!" What was I to do? Besides the suffering from my bruises and broken limb, it was very cold. I concluded to crawl to the old Chisolm Trail, which was some three hundred yards south. When I got there I crawled in behind some wild pampas grass that grew tall beside the trail and there I lay for a short time, thinking. The only hope I had of someone coming along would be 'Ras Wilson, of Salina, Kansas, who was wintering 1,000 beeves on Campbell Creek, south of the Cimarron, who was to come up and take dinner with us Christmas. The old-timers will remember Mr. and Mrs. George Haines, of Caldwell. They were running the mess house for us at the ranch and Mrs. Haines had promised us a feast for dinner. I must be in on that dinner, so on all fours I started up the trail, through the snow, over the ice and rough ground. Soon I was tired, but on I went. At times I would grow faint, then I would stop behind some tall grass and rest, then up and on. So it went till near night. My knees had grown sore and my arms ached. The wind had ceased to blow so cold, but away in the northeast there hung a heavy dark cloud. I lay behind a tall bunch of grass, my broken leg painting me so badly it seemed I could not go another rod. Would it storm again that night? I had only made a mile, would I perish?

Had I not been one of those good young men I suppose I should have given up, but the thought of the laugh my enemies would have on me spurred me on, so again I started. Presently darkness came on; soon my bare knees were on the ground, but on I crawled dragging my broken leg as carefully as possible, flowing blood along the trail from my leg. The coyotes commenced howling; a bunch of my cattle came drifting by and lowing and I called to them. I tore out the sleeves of my cavalry coat I had on and pulled them over my shoes, tore up the cape and tied pads on my knees with buckskin strings I had in my pocket, took a long woolen scar I had around my neck and wound it around my broken leg. It was a scarf given me by my aged mother in Indiana and was sent to me a few days before for a Christmas present. God bless mother! Then I crawled all night and as the sun came up bright and warm Christmas morning, I was about half way to the ranch. I crawled up on a sand hill, in the sun to warm and rest. Then for the first time I grew hungry. Won't help ever come! There was the rattle of the Caldwell and Fort Sill stage! Sitting upon my knees and looking across the bottom, there about half a mile away I saw the stage in full view. I waved my hat and hallooed, but could not attract their attention. In starting from there, as it was growing warmer, I dropped my slicker and overshoes and crawled on, sometimes a rod, sometimes but a few feet.

Hungry and sore, weak and sick, I came out of the sand hills in sight of the old ranch a mile away. I had stopped under three trees that stood in the trail. After taking a long look at the ranch, I lay down to rest, then noticing one of the trees was hackberry and that the icy snow was covered with the berries, I spent quite a while gathering these and sucking them, and never did anything taste so good. There again was the rattle of wagons, and looking across the wagon road not a quarter of a mile away I saw two freight wagons. Again I got upon my knees, swinging my hat and shouting; again I failed and they passed on into the hills. Soon I started for the ranch; now came the worst. My arm was so strained and when I got upon my knees it seemed almost impossible to bear it. I had a severe pain and cramping across my chest. As both bones of the leg were broken off, as I would drag it after me over the frozen and rough ground often the bones would grate together in such a way as to sicken me. At 3 o'clock P.M. I had succeeded in getting within hailing distance of the ranch, a quarter of a mile, and finally attracted Mr. Haines. They came to me, then obtained a wagon and hauled me to the ranch. I had crawled three and a quarter miles in a little over thirty hours. Mrs. Haines son, Anderson, who now owns a fine cattle ranch on the Candaian near Canadian City, rode tothe C. &A. Agency, thirty mile away, for a pysician, who did not get to the ranch to set my leg until 12 o'clock the night of the 26th, sixty-three hours after it was broken. That was my Christmas gift for 1878! I was a little late to Mrs. Haines' Christmas dinner, but all the ranch boys claimed I did full justice to all Mrs. Haines brought to the bed for me. I lay eight weeks upon my back, but am still here and able to send cordial greetings for the New Year.

(signed)

Dan Jones.

Christmas Gifts

2008-12-19T13:44:00.003-06:00

A few quick hits on some of my favorite kids toys I've purchased for my daughter or other kiddos this Christmas season:

Melissa & Doug Discovery Magic Set: All kids love magic tricks, and this collection of simple tricks is for the younger magician in your family, probably 5-8 years old. Much older than that, and these will be too simple. I give high marks to ANYTHING marketed by "Melissa & Doug". They make good quality products, lots of classically styled kids toys, and have a propensity for making toys out of wood and metal instead of plastic. They are generally a little more expensive than the flimsy, plastic, Chinese, lead-paint-infused alternatives, but not unreasonably so.

Bakugan Battle Brawlers: OK, these are admittedly the height of cheap Chinese lead-infused gadgetry, but they are way less irritating than Pokemon, and sort of a cool hybrid mix of marbles, Transformers, and Magic: The Gathering. I would have been insanely into this game when I was 8 years old.

Hermit Crabs: While requiring a lot more time and attention than your typical Christmas gift (and as such, a great opportunity for building a sense of responsibility in young kids), this is easily one of the best gifts you can give for under $5.

"-ology" Books: Great for younger emerging readers, these topical books are stuffed full of tactile and gimmicky doodads that will hold a kid's attention for hours, and help them develop a love of books. When our daughter was 4-years old, she slept with her Fairy-ology book under her pillow every night.

Snap Circuits: For the Montessori kid on your shopping list, this is a new take on the old idea of introductory electronic project kits. I had the old school version of this when I was a kid, and it was a bit intimidating for me, with tiny parts and wires that required stripping... this new model looks like something I may have actually played with.

And finally, my favorite find of the year is an old one:

Model Rockets: One of my good friends is a middle-school science teacher, and he does this project with his students every year. Last summer he took my daughter and I out with him to fire the leftover rockets he had, and she was just fascinated with it and asks him about them every time we are over there. This is a relatively inexpensive hobby, and you get to work with explosives and launch stuff hundreds or thousands of feet into the air. It gets no better... (and yes, this is admittedly one of those gifts that is as much for daddy as for anybody else).
The rocket I purchased comes with an on-board digital camera in the nose cone that will take time-lapsed photos of the launch that you can download to your PC via a USB cable, so expect to see a birds-eye-view of our pasture posted here on the first warm day after Christmas. Hopefully it will go something like this:

Some thoughts on the elderly.

2008-12-19T10:12:00.004-06:00

What a week. First, my grandmother gets ill and the family decides to bring her home instead of putting her in the hospital yet again, a place that confuses and scares her. Then, I agree to fly up to Colorado with my dad to help take care of her. Then, 30 minutes after booking my plane ticket, I come down with the worst stomach bug I've had in 5 years, which laid me on my knees worshipping the porceilein gods for the next 24 hours, causing me to not be able to make the flight. So I was upset about this, until a few days later I get a call from my dad saying my grandmother had passed away, at her daughter's house, with just her three children there with her at the moment of her passing on, which is exactly how she would have wanted to go. So my not being able to go worked out pretty well, because as much as I'd liked to have seen her one last time, I wouldn't have wanted to screw up the poetic balance of it just being her kids with her there at the end... lesson being that sometimes, a horrible stomach bug can be a good thing, and also that you should call your grandmother and tell her you love her if that opportunity still exists for you.

I've been thinking about the elderly people in my life this week. I have a lot of them. There's Harold. Harold comes by my office every morning and bums a cup of coffee and updates me on what is going on up and down Main Street. Harold is a Korean War veteran, who took a bullet in the leg during that war, but be careful asking him about it or else before you can stop him he will drop his pants to show you his scar. He's not all there in the head, a fact that he will openly confess. He has no family. He is dirt poor and rarely smells very good. He carries on conversations with God out loud, often at the same time he is conversing with you. He suplemments his small military pension and Social Security income by trading in small favors. If you forget your gloves at home on a cold morning, Harold will show up with some gloves he bought at the consignment shop down the street for $2, and sell them to you for $5. Or he'll casually let you know that he spent a few hours pulling weeds behind your property over the weekend, never asking for payment, which usually leads you to you slipping him more money than you'd have dished out if you were seeking somebody to do the work. Harold has about 10 different medications he's supposed to be on, but he only takes an aspirin and a fish oil pill every day, because "I can't afford that other medication on my own and I won't be a burden on people, and besides, I'm a lot more interesting this way." Sometimes in a wistful moment he will talk about days spent hobo-ing, nights spent sleeping on concrete floors (which I assume to be jail cells, but have never gotten him to cop to this), a wife he once had, his days 'on the bottle' before he found Jesus... but if you press him for info on any of this he gets cagey fast. He talks about Ezekiel and the Book of Revelations. A lot. About half the time I have no idea what he's talking about, but I always give him an 'amen' when he asks for one, which is often. A lot of people would think Harold a derelict, a tramp, or some sort of tragedy. He's one of my favorite people in the world.

And that is the case with most of the older people I know, they are my favorite people to talk to, to listen to, to be around (although I'll admit, the majority of them aren't nearly as interesting as Harold). And it occurs to me that each time one of them dies, the world becomes a little worse of a place to be, because quite simply, the people behind them are of a distinctly lesser caliber.

Even the bums aren't as interesting.

Rest In Peace, Granny Bobo -1914-2008

2008-12-16T10:39:00.004-06:00

She remembers way back when,
Her daddy owned the cotton gin,
And he would work like a dog from summer till New Years Day.
But when the cotton season was through,
He’d have a few odd things to do,
Then he’d kick back, and for the rest of the year he’d play.

And he’d tell her:
Day by day, that tide will wash your life away,
So you better build some castles in the sand,
Better learn to speak your mind,
Better learn to take your time,
Better learn to face this world with an open hand.

She fell in love with a gamblin’ man,
They were married, with three children,
But he had a whiskey bone and a very jealous mind.
She had to leave him one sad day,
But her heart would always stay,
for she had promised to love him 'till the end of time.

And day by day, that tide would wash her life away,
As she would say her prayers to Jesus and make her plans,
Same church for 80 years,
A life full of laughter, love, and tears,
And she always faced the world with an open hand

She lived in that big house all alone,
Once her kids were up and grown,
But she was never the kind to suffer a lonesome way,
For all the children in the town,
Friends and family from all around,
Filled up her home and heart every day.

Well she just turned 94,
And her mind don’t work too well no more,
This world keeps moving faster than she can,
Look close and you'll still see that spark,
It’s gonna carry her through the dark,
And wash up on a golden shore in a far off land.

Still singing,
Day by day, that tide will carry you away,
So you better build some castles in the sand.
Don’t be afraid to speak your mind,
Don’t forget to take your time,
And always face the world with an open hand.

5 admittedly bad movies I can never seem to pass up watching...

2008-12-10T15:12:00.005-06:00

I was having this conversation with a friend the other day.
Apparently everybody has a few of these. (my wife only has one, Hope Floats. You would lose whatever modicum of respect for me you may have if you knew how many times I have watched this movie with my wife.)

I'm not proud.
I just can't stop myself.

Here's my list:

5) Joe Dirt

4) Zoolander

3) Twister

2) Any movie that parodies a genre of movies. When they finally get around to making a movie called 'Not Another Parody Movie', I will be in big trouble.

1) Tenacious D and The Pick Of Destiny (This one is so funny to me that it almost bears being called a legitimately good movie, but then I realize the only argument I have for it being good is that it empoys the most ingenious and constant application of profanity in cinema history, and that seems rather weak...)

Just to save face, here are 5 popular crappy movies I have no problem overlooking:

5) Roadhouse (granted, it took me 15 years to get to the point where I no longer have to watch this movie every time I land on it)

4) Navy SEALS (ditto Roadhouse comments)

3) Biodome

2) Independence Day

1) American Pie

Rural Wisdom

2008-12-09T16:52:00.001-06:00

"I read about Radiohead and think maybe rock and roll has gotten too far away from “my baby does the hanky panky” for my blood. " - Todd Snider

Christmas Songs

2008-12-08T14:02:00.002-06:00

For some reason, the Christmas spirit has been a little slow making its way to our house this year, but it has finally arrived. While putting up the tree yesterday, we had fun listening to the Christmas mix CD we created a few years back, which has become part of the tradition at our house.

It may not be the most spiritually attuned Christmas mix of all time, but it beats the hell out of the Kenny G /Michael Bolton combo we are forced to listen to at my mom's house every year.

(If you have a Rhapsody account, you can click on the link below to listen to this playlist... or if you want to set up a trial account you can get 25 listens for free)

Christmas Songs:
1. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - John Prine
2. Winter Wonderland - Willie Nelson
3. Blue Christmas - Merle Haggard
4. What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
5. Frosty The Snowman - Nat King Cole
6. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer - Burl Ives
7. A John Prine Christmas - John Prine
8. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer - Elmo and Patsy
9. Christmas Song, The (Merry Christmas To You) - Nat King Cole
10. I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas - Montana Rose
11. I'll Be Home For Christmas - Leon Redbone
12. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Etta James
13. Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses
14. Happy Holidays Y'all - Robert Earl Keen
15. Merry Christmas From The Family - Robert Earl Keen
16. Winter Wonderland - Sonny Rollins

Bedlam, Big XII, Mack Brown, and other football thoughts.

2008-12-01T08:44:00.005-06:00

Congrats to the Sooners for making it to the Big XII Championship game!

The Pokes played a great game in Stillwater this weekend, and deserve credit for the continued strides their program is making, year after year. The Big XII South is arguably the toughest conference sub-division in college football, and any team that can make gains within it has got to be doing something right. I can see OSU grabbing a Big XII Championship in another year or two.

As for OU, they never let up, and Sam Bradford proved once again that he is the real deal. This is without a doubt the most potent offense in the history of Sooner football, and they are on track to become the first college team in over 100 years (and only the 4th team ever) to score 700 points in a season. Setting aside all other arguments about who should go to the Big XII Championship game, that is remarkable.

As for Texas fans, sorry. It was a coin toss and you guys lost. The simple truth of the matter is that in this three-way tie, head-to-head match ups don't (and can't, and shouldn't) mean anything, so no matter how many times you flashed the score of the OU/TX game it wasn't ever going to help your case. In a conference with this much talent, the only way to have an undisputed right to play in the conference Championship game is to go undefeated. Lose a game and you subject yourself to the possibility of coin tossing. On the bright side, if OU defeats Mizoo next weekend, you get to say you outplayed the Conference Champs (just like Texas Tech would say about you if it was TX beating Mizoo).

I, along with every other Sooner fan in the country, was fairly enraged at ABC's decision to let Mac Brown come on air during the OU/OSU game and politic for his team. For OU fans, this is akin to the press breaking away from a State Of The Union speech in order to hear from Hugo Chavez. The Sooner Nation was redeemed on Sunday though, when Bob Stoops announced at his press conference that ABC had invited him to make his case during Texas's Thanksgiving-day game, and he declined because he thought "it wouldn't have been right." If there was a National Championship for class, Stoops would go to the Big Game.

Without a much longer football season, there is no decisive way to determine a college football National Championship. Even in the various playoff systems being touted, there will be deserving teams who are left out. I am one of the few people who actually think the BCS system is 'good enough'. I like the way it weighs human judgement against cold hard computer stats, without completely discounting or awarding either. Ultimately, I'd be open to a playoff system as long as it is put together in such a way as to not detract from the importance of regular season games. What I don't want is for the college football regular season to become as uninteresting as it is in the pro's.

Anyway, Boomer Sooner, and if you have any cheap tickets for sale at Arrowhead Stadium next weekend, give me a shout!

Rural Wisdom

2008-11-26T14:51:00.001-06:00

"When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light. Give thanks for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. And if you see no reason for giving thanks, rest assured the fault is in yourself." -Tecumseh, Shawnee Chief

Giving Thanks

2008-11-26T13:30:00.002-06:00

This year on Thanksgiving I am thankful for the following things:

-The health and laughter of my daughter.
-The love of my wife.
-The benevolence of God, in all its glorious and sometimes confusing permutations .
-The abundance of so many good things in my life, both material and otherwise.
-The incredibly fascinating and luxurious period of time in which I live.
-The close physical proximity of so many family members and friends.
-The continuing saga of mine and my wife's attempt to open up a used bookstore.
-The view from my back patio.
-The re-emergence of the local quail population... something I am thankful for even as I make plans to dramatically reduce their numbers tomorrow morning.
-Songs yet to be sung, books yet to be read, and money yet to be made.
-Coffee and Beer: two personal weaknesses that I have deemed worth the price of vice.
-Small towns and the people who inhabit them.
-The fact that Chinese Democracy has finally made it to the marketplace, even though I've yet to listen to it (my buddy Creede has much to say about this).

Happy Thanksgiving, folks.

Don't forget to count your sparkles.

High School Football Wrap Up

2008-11-26T10:22:00.004-06:00

Our team didn't make it past Millwood last week. It was pretty apparent at the beginning of the game that our offense was intimidated by the size of the other team. Poor execution, bad decisiions, and stupid penalties dug us into a hole pretty quickly, and Millwood just isn't a team that will allow you to dig yourself out of a hole. We came back in the 2nd half and put up one hell of a fight, but it was too little, too late. Final score was 53-28. I'll give our boys this: Once they figured out that they could play with these guys, they fought hard until the very last play of the game, and walked off the field with their heads held high.

I don't mind losing to a better team, but it pissed me off to lose to a team that could only draw 62 fans (I counted) for a home playoff game, when our team had around 300 people travel to watch the game at night, in the miserable cold,(while OU was playing their biggest game of the year, I might add). I don't think Millwood even had all the parents of its players in their stands. When the game was over, our fans actually went down on the field to congradulate our players on a great season, as the victorious team left the field and headed to the locker room. It was rather strange and backassward.

Anyway, congrats to the team and particularly congrats to my nephew for making 1st Team All District for his hard work this season (and all while maintaining a 4 point GPA, he's a great kid). We are graduating 20 seniors, which means the next few years are likely going to be brutal.

I'm kind of sad to see our season end, it has been great fun going to the games this year... but hey, look over here... while I was paying attention to high school ball, my Sooners managed to sneak back into the National Championship hunt. BOOMER SOONER! Beat the Pokes!

Tommy Emmanuel: Somewhere Over The Rainbow / Glassical Gas

2008-11-21T17:12:00.004-06:00

Australian musician Tommy Emmanuel is, in my opinion, the most talented living guitar player today. I've had the good fortune to see him play live a few times, and it has always been an incredible pleasure. Most of his stuff is intrumental, and he plays a bit of everything, from his own music to rock, jazz, and pop standards. He comes from the Chet Atkins school of guitar style, where the player picks out rhythm, bass, and melody all at once, and in doing this with style Emmanuel is unmatched. During his performances, you often find yourself watching his fingers and thinking, "He is playing faster than I can think."

If he ever comes within 100 miles of your town, don't miss him. It is a rare and wonderful thing to see a true master artisan at work, and that is just what watching this guy play feels like. One warning, if you do play, watching these videos may give you the urge to use your guitar as firewood.

Shoot 'em if you got 'em.

2008-11-17T12:18:00.007-06:00

Much publicity has been made of the fact that gun sales have doubled in the US since Election Day, but I've seen very little real analysis of this phenomenon. Here are a few thoughts:

-Automatic (and some semi-auto) weapon sales are skyrocketing because members of both parties are attempting to re-instate, expand, and in some cases make permanent, the federal Assault Weapons Ban. President-elect Obama has already committed to supporting such measures. As such, nobody should be surprised that people are rushing out to buy a products that will not be available for purchase a year from now. Even if you're not a gun enthusiast, you might be excited about buying as many of these as you can simply because you know that you'll be able to double your money in a few years selling them back into the secondary market.

-I'd be interested to see how gun and ammo sales were doing just before the election. A lot of people are justifiably concerned about a major economic meltdown the likes of which we haven't seen in America in living history. Nobody really knows what such a meltdown would look like, or just how bad it could get. It stands to reason that many people in rural areas might be considering the likelihood of having to supplement their pantry with food they have hunted themselves. Also, there is this: In a country where the masses have never known true hunger and poverty (and I count myself among those who have never known it), it isn't unreasonable to take extra precautions against those who, when faced with such circumstances, might set aside civility, decency, and rule-of-law in order to fill their bellies. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that gun sales (and ammo sales, in particular) were experiencing a significant upswing prior to the election, as the economic situation began to look increasingly dire and increasingly long-term. I know I stocked up.

-While the tendency is always to blame Democrats for being gun grabbers, it is worth noting that there has been a bill circulating the House Of Representative since June, introduced by 4 Republican Congressmen, which would not only re-implement the Assault Weapons Ban, but also greatly expand the number of guns regulated by it (including many traditional hunting weapons, such as the classic Remington 1100 Series Semi-Automatic 12-gauge my grandfather gave me when I was 14 years old... to be used for hunting quail, not storming enemy fortifications).

-When it comes to President-elect Obama, here is what I have been able to dig up on his website about what he wants to do with guns: repeal the Tiahrt Amendment (which prevents the ATF from releasing gun trace information to the public), close the gun show loophole, make guns "childproof", and make the Assault Weapons Ban permanent. Those are all contentious issues for gun rights advocates, but none more so than Obama's stated support for a federal ban on concealed carry laws (surprisingly, he didn't advertise this position on his website). Obama should pack a lunch if he really wants to go to battle with the states on this issue. I wouldn't be surprised if the state of Oklahoma and a host of other rural states simply ignored a federal concealed carry ban (I know I would). Such a law would certainly cost him every southern and most western states in the 2012 election. I suspect Obama knows this (which is why it isn't posted on his website) and we have probably heard the last words we will ever hear from him on that subject.

Go team, take state!

2008-11-14T07:36:00.004-06:00

Haven't done much football commentary lately, but with the high school season winding down, I need to give a shout out to our team making it to the first round of Class 2A playoffs tonight, and for finishing their district play strong by beating their final two opponents with a combined score of 125-28.

Partly because it is my nephew's senior year, and partly because this team has such an explosive offense, it has been a real pleasure to watch them play this season. These boys have shed blood, sweat, and tears in pursuit of excellence, and most incredibly, there was a point mid-season where a few of the Senior leaders on the team challenged everybody else to come together and really take the season seriously, and after this there was a marked improvement in their playing. There were three nailbiters in particular where the team came from behind in the final few minutes of the game to secure a victory. From the stars down to the benchwarmers, every young man on the team has learned some valuable lessons about teamwork, perseverance, and hard work. Good for them.

I have been traveling around the state of Missouri the last two days on business, and am headed to Branson this evening to visit my grandparents, so I won't get to see the playoff game tonight, but I wish the boys all the best.

Give 'em Hell.

Update: Congrats to the Leopards for beating the Davis Wolves 31-17 and advancing to the second round of the playoffs. We will have to play Millwood in this game, and it is gonna be a tough one. They are a bigger faster team, but have not been tested much this season, so if we can score early and hit them hard, there is a chance!

Don't let the GOP jump off the cliff.

2008-11-13T08:56:00.005-06:00

The Republican Senate is poised to re-elect Mitch McConnell as Sentae Minority Leader next week. McConnell has held this position for the last two years and has done nothing of note to help the GOP get back to its basic message of fiscal responsibility and limited government.
It would be a travesty if he gets to preside over the GOP Senatorial agenda for another day, much less another two years.

As a voter, there isn't a whole lot you can do to influence this procedure, but you can do one thing: CONTACT YOUR REPUBLICAN SENATOR'S OFFICE, today, and let them know that you don't want to see Senator McConnell awarded for his dismal performance as Senate Minority Leader. It would probably help if you had somebody else in mind. I endorse stalwart fiscal conservative Tom Coburn for this position, and think he could do wonders for the party if given a prominent leadership position such as this. But if not Coburn, take your pick. Quite honestly, they could drag a homeless derelict off the street and he would do better than McConnell has.

You can find a directory for contacting your Senator here.

Good luck.

Thank you, Captain Barnes.

2008-11-10T20:56:00.011-06:00

Captain Barnes is my brother-in-law. He is also a retired Captain in the Oklahoma National Guard 45th Infantry Division, "The Thunderbirds", twice called into active duty to defend his country: once in the first Persian Gulf War, and again over a decade later in Afghanistan.

When I first met him, back in 1989, I was a skinny 15-year-old freshman and he was a first year teacher and assistant football coach. I had him both as a teacher and a coach, so we got to know each other pretty well. One day, frustrated with something that had been going on at home, I marched into football practice and told Coach Barnes, "I sure wish somebody would marry my dumbass older sister and get her the hell out of our house. She's driving me nuts."

Not deterred by my less than ringing endorsement, he asked, with complete sincerity, "Is she hot?"

"I don't know, man, she's my sister. I'm not gonna say my sister is hot. Here's a picture," I replied.

"Damn, she looks pretty hot. I'll marry her for you.'

It was a funny joke at the time.

One year later, they were married.

Today, they have three great kids: one is about to graduate high school, one is in 6th Grade, and one is about to start Pre-K. Amazingly, in spite of all this, Coach Barnes is still on speaking terms with me, more yet, he is one of my best friends, and has helped me out of more jams than I could possibly ever count or repay. The only time we've ever had cross words was when he thought it would be funny to rope the back leg of a horse I was riding, resulting in me getting bucked off (OK, it wasn't actually a horse, it was a tiny little Shetland pony I was trying to break in for my daughter, which made it all the more embarrassing when I hit the dirt). We yelled, cussed, shook our fists at each other for about 5 minutes, then drank a bunch of beers and laughed about it.

But I didn't actually mean to tell you about Coach Barnes today.

I meant to tell you about Captain Barnes.

Captain Barnes served 20 years in the Oklahoma National Guard. He is a trained infantryman, the oldest and most basic type of soldier in general warfare. Infantry soldiers, if you didn't know, are the ones who actually fight for, occupy, and maintain tactical positions. Due to increased technology and specialization, pure infantry soldiers now make up a relatively small part of our modern Army, but they are and always will be the benchmark for what the general public thinks of when they think of a soldier.

Captain Barnes comes from a military family. His father also served in the Oklahoma 45th, and his grandfather served in the famous WWII 45th 'Fighting Thunderbirds' Army Division (now disbanded) that their Oklahoma National Guard unit takes its name and its insignia from.

I don't know much about what Captain Barnes did in the original Gulf War. I was a teenager then, interested mostly in myself, and we just never talked about it much when he got back.

However, I can tell you that during the year he spent stationed at Camp Phoenix in Kabul, Afghanistan, he trained numerous members of the Afghan army, rode shotgun in many combat patrols, and earned a Combat Action Badge for drawing rocket fire while helping to run security for Hamid Karzai's tent during the Loya Jirga, where the Afghans drew up and ratified their own Constitution. In addition, he wrote home every week with requests for gifts for the many poor Afghan children he encountered every time he left Camp Phoenix, rarely requesting anything for himself or his fellow soldiers. His service to his country caused him to miss an entire year in the lives of his own children, and knowing him as the dedicated father he is, I can say without reservation that none of us will ever completely understand the depths of the pain this caused him, partly because he would never complain about it, and partly because it is the kind of pain that, for a dedicated father, is simply unfathomable if you haven't experienced it yourself.

We live in a society that tends to enshrine mediocrity, and the idea of real honest-to-God heroes living amongst us is something that many people would scoff at. And while I certainly have no misconceptions of Captain Barnes being perfect (his sense of humor is not for children, women, church-goers, the easily offended, the less-easily offended, or anyone suffering from heart conditions or asthma), still, he is perhaps the most heroic individual I have had the pleasure of knowing in my life.

Captain Barnes came home from Afghanistan soon after my wife and I had moved back here. We threw a Welcome Home party for him and invited anybody who wanted to come. About 200 people showed up, mostly former students of his, and we partied until daylight. 5 years later and I am still picking up beer cans from that night.

So on Veteran's Day I will call my bro-in-law and thank him for his service to our country, but that really doesn't even scratch the surface of the debt of gratitude I owe him. He's provided me with a friend and a hell of a lot of help fixing up our place. He's provided some tangible examples to my daughter of just what it is that is meant by the word 'honor', in a world where such examples aren't always easy to find. He's provided me with a lot of great and unobtrusive free advice (that always begins with the refrain, "Now I ain't one to tell a feller what he ought to do, but..." My grandfather employes this same method of advise dispersement, and it works well for hardheaded egomaniacs like myself) He's provided me with more laughs than I could even begin to recount. And Hell, let's not forget, he got my sister out of the house and kept her out. The Taliban are small potatoes compared to my sister on a bad tequila drunk, and he's faced them both without flinching. (and sis, if you ever read this, you know I love you and am just kidding about you being a pain to live with... but seriously, stay away from the tequila)

Mucho gracias, compadre.

Pioneer Profile: Election Day

2008-11-05T14:35:00.003-06:00

What are Pioneer Profiles?

Excerpt from an interview with Ben L. Blanchard, of Hugo, OK, born in Indian Territory, Choctaw Nation on October 1st 1885:

"The most important affairs of the country and nation were settled right in Will Bearden's old store, settled according to some of the old graybeards who gathered there. But when election time came around, none of the white men who didn't happen to be intermarried citizens could vote on tribal affairs. But election day was still one exciting time. If a man said something about any of the candidates or their policies, which did not suit his listener, he was promptly knocked down, with a fist or a gun. One selection day, a negro-Indian knocked a white man down with his pistol, time and again, just as fast as the white man could get up, until he got tired of it and walked off and nobody interfered, because everybody was afraid of the negro-Indian. That school house where I learned to sing "Three Cheers For The Red White And Blue" on election day has been torn down, to make room for more graves. It is the main cemetery now."

Creating a new GOP

2008-11-05T09:33:00.002-06:00

Here's a good start:

Tom Coburn for Senate Minority Leader

Other than to Fred Thompson's failed Presidential bid, I didn't donate a single penny to Republican candidates in the 2008 campaign. Tell me were to send money to get Coburn elected to a leadership position in the Senate, and I'll put a check in the mail today.

Conservatism, we hardly knew ye.

2008-11-04T22:48:00.007-06:00

I've made two or three unsuccessful stabs at conveying my thoughts about this evening, and it's getting late, so here is the Cliff's Notes version. I may have a few more outpourings of political angst over the next few days, but by this time next week, Keepin' It Rural should be back to the policy of actually, you know, keepin' it rural... at least most of the time. I promise.

With that said, here are a few thoughts:

-While a candidate's race is of no real importance in and of itself, it is impossible to ignore the symbolism of a half-black man from Abraham Lincoln's home state being elected President of The United States. For the elder black Americans who fought so hard to help secure a better place in the world for their children, this has to be one of the most rewarding nights of their lives. My greatest hope is that the children and grandchildren who are the beneficiaries of this precious gift will continue to wake up the fact that they no longer need or are entitled to special help from the government in order to make their own way in life.

-Personally, I am going to try to go easy on Obama. He's not a President I will likely ever be supportive of, but he is going to be our President, and the office deserves a reasonable quantum of respect. So, until the day my taxes go up, I promise not to post any more Johnny Cash Flipping The Bird posts directed at Obama. That doesn't mean I won't confront his misguided and harmful plans for this country, but I will do my best to keep the focus of my criticism on the ideas and not the man. (again, on the day my taxes go up, all bets are off).

-The Republicans have nobody to blame but themselves for this loss. Not the liberal media. Not ACORN. Not Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac or Barney Frank. From 2000 to 2006, they had a political opportunity that comes along only once or twice in a lifetime for a party: the ability to enact real change in government. They ignored, abused, and wasted this opportunity. In many cases, they did the exact opposite of what they had been elected to do. It would be so much less frustrating if they had actually governed on conservative principals and lost because of it... but now a whole generation of young Americans mistakenly believe that what they've seen over the last 8 years is conservative ideology in action, and there are going to be long term setbacks because of it.

-The most disappointing statistic of the evening for me: according to exit polling, 70% of voting Americans believe their taxes will go up under Barack Obama, and they voted for him anyway. There really isn't a bigger political issue for me than the government's continued abuse of their ability to arbitrarily take your property and give it to other people. It was a tax revolt that birthed America, and we are coming increasingly close to a point where I won't fault people for breaking the law or even resorting to violence in order to protect their property from the government.

- Just a prediction, but I think the Democratic majority will be short lived. They will have real vulnerabilities in the 2010 mid term elections, as the economy will likely still be worsening or stagnating from increased taxes and regulatory burdens. Russia, Iran, Venezuala, and China are all likely to exploit Obama's complete lack of military knowledge and foreign policy experience, in ways that make Americans feel weak and exposed. A fresh batch of Republicans will have an opportunity to gain back some of the ground we have lost over the previous 4 years. We need to look hard among these new faces for leadership and possibly a candidate for the next Presidential election. I would urge conservatives who see Sarah Palin as the future of the party to keep looking. You can keep her on the shelf, but lets not overlook better options if they exist. It is easy to make light of Obama's eloquent, flowery, and feelgoody speeches, but look how well they work. The GOP would do well to find a person who can package their ideology into a persona that plays well beyond traditional red states, because ultimately the battle for America's mind must be won by making gains and changing minds, not simply squatting on safe ground.

-In the meantime, if you are a conservative or libertarian minded person (I've always held that I am much more libertarian leaning than conservative) the next year isn't going to be pleasant. Democrats are already seeing this as a mandate for radically liberal social change, and to be honest, it may have been exactly that. It will take a few months to figure out if it was that, or if it was simply a frustrated-but-not-ideologically-committed rejection of the pitiful Republican showing of the last 8 years. If it was a true ideological shift, take heart in the probability that the results from the new ideology will quickly send a bunch of folks running back this direction. In the meantime, hug your spouse a few extra times a day (or if you don't have one, find one... hard times are harder when you face them alone). Take your kids fishing. And work your ass off, because it is going to become harder to get ahead. Pray for strength and wisdom. Like it or not, if you are a responsible hard working American, those who are less responsible and less hard working just elected you their savior, and if history tells us anything, it'll be one hell of a thankless job.

Oh, and it might be time to start clinging to that religion and those guns! :-P

Rural Wisdom

2008-11-04T14:17:00.002-06:00

"To make democracy work, we must be a nation of participants, not simply observers. One who does not vote has no right to complain." -Lois L'Amour

I voted.

2008-11-04T13:22:00.002-06:00

If Obama wins, I can't say I'll be kind, supportive, or even very open minded about his prospects.

But I can say this: It always feels good to vote. I've done my part, and the rest of it is out of my hands. Democracy isn't perfect, and it gets much less so when it is used as a means for the majority to vote away rights of the minority, but it is still the best system we have for making the application of government power a largely bloodless endeavor. Regardless of the outcome of today's election, we should all be thankful that we have the privelage of voting, as opposed to the (often tragically futile) responsibility of defending our homes from ruling-class agressors. It's easy to forget that in the history of mankind, this is a stunningly rare thing. Even in the modern world, its certainly not a given.

So be sure to vote, and be sure to treasure it.

On shooting the bird...

2008-11-03T15:23:00.004-06:00

I don't know if Obama's "gesture of congratulations" to McCain was on purpose or if it was a nervous tic. I suspect, based on the context and the delivery, that it was meant as a subtle insult. As a big fan of political insults, I'll actually give Obama some credit for this one. It was nicely done.

However, if McCain wants to one-up Obama with a reply in kind, he should take a lesson from the High King of Middle Finger and simply drop the subtlety:

Tick tock

2008-11-03T13:42:00.004-06:00

Well, we are finally down to voting time. I have tried over the last week or so just to wash my hands of this election and let the chips fall where they may. If I knew any undecided voters, I'd be talking to them, but the truth is everybody I know who is likely to vote has had their mind made up about their candidate since the end of the Primaries.

In the unlikely event this post reaches the eyes of an undecided voter over the next 12 hours, here's what I'd like to ask you to consider:

Obama has made a lot of promises, and any reasonable person who looks at our economy and our current spending deficit can see that it will be impossible for him to deliver on these promises based on his current plan. Even many of his supporters admit this.

Regardless of how much you may or may not agree with Obama on policy issues, I don't think most people want to see the economy wrecked. The Federal government is the largest employer in the United States, and every single government job exists at the expense of taxpayers, so even if you are a fan of big government, you must realize that it has to be supported by a robust economy. Teachers, soldiers, postal workers, social workers... they all tend to feel more secure in their jobs than the rest of the workers in America's economy, but if things get bad enough, there will not be enough funds or enough credit to pay them. They are not immune to economic catastrophe.

So, with this in mind, one has to wonder what Obama will do if he gets in the White House, with a Democratic Congress backing him up, and owns up to the fact that he doesn't have nearly enough revenue to carry out the programs he promised to his many doting fans. The choice will be quite simple: raise taxes on more Americans or admit that these programs are out of our price range.

The decision for undecided voters really comes down to which way they think Obama will go on this question. I doubt many people would break his way if they thought the was going to hike taxes 10-15% on people making $50 or $60k per year, but that may very well be what he's looking at if he wants to enact "change you can believe in".

Keep in mind, Obama has gone on record as saying his "tax the rich" policies are more centered around ideas of social fairness than on actually raising government revenues. Obama conceded that even if he knew government revenues could be raised by cutting taxes on the wealthy, he wouldn't do it. Eventually, by his way of thinking, anybody who makes more money than somebody else has gained an unfair advantage over them. Is it really such a stretch to think that, in the name of social fairness, he might dramatically lower his $250K 'unfairness bar' in order to give people on the bottom a helping hand?

It's easy, as a voter, to saddle the responsibility for helping these people on the wealthiest among us... but if Obama wants to cut into YOUR paycheck to help them, are you willing to let him? Because if you give him your vote, the decision will largely be taken out of your hands afterwards.

So consider his words, his ideas, his values, and his history... and vote wisely.

Backyard Adventures: Hunting for Blue Marlin

2008-11-01T23:15:00.007-05:00

In my family, there is a long history of lying about fish, and I don't just mean their size.

I'll never forget the first time I caught an alligator gar out of the Washita River. Having never seen or heard of a gar before, I dragged the thing up to my grandpa's house to ask him what it was, and his reply went something like, "I'm not sure what that thing is, but I heard they've been doing nuclear testing upriver in Chickasha, so if I had to guess, I'd guess you've caught some kind of mutated croc." I believed this for weeks, and suffered devastating humiliation at school at the hands of my friends when showed them a picture of the "mutilated croc" I had caught.

So, I probably should have known better than to tell my daughter and her friend that 200 pound Blue Marlin exist in Oklahoma farm ponds. One of my shortcomings in life is a complete inability to tell little kids the truth about anything, and ever since my daughter finally figured out that those big round bales of hay she sees every fall aren't, in fact, elephant cocoons, I've been looking for something fresh and the Blue Marlin thing just sort of presented itself...

Of course, there are some things you need in order to catch Blue Marlin. You need fishing poles. You need a net. You need a plastic bag full of leftover Halloween candy.

(I kept waiting for somebody to ask me how they were supposed to get a 200 pound fish in the little tiny fishing net, but nobody ever did. I tell you, kids are just begging to be lied to...)

So once you are outfitted with the proper gear, the next phase in Blue Martin hunting is to go where the Blue Marlin live. Watching 7 year old girls hike through the pasture with fishing poles and nets and bags of Halloween candy is an event unto itself, especially when they encounter uneven terrain. To me, this is called a ditch. To the girls, it was a gorge. I suppose to an ant it looks like the Grand Canyon. No eyes were poked out with fishing poles during the crossing of this gorge, but I tell you, there were some close calls.

Once the water has been reached, you must put bait in it. I tell the girls that I've heard Blue Marlin are very fond of chartreuse colored plastic worms that are being pulled slowly through the water. I think the thought of a 200 pound monster fish lurking just under the water's surface has these girls a little worried... notice how far back they are standing from the bank.

Boredom is a great way to overcome fear. Approximately 45 minutes later, with no fish, and very few nibbles, notice how the girls have edged closer to the water.

Finally, success! The girls squeal with excitement as they both get a chance to reel in a baby Blue Marlin (only got a picture of one, because my daughter's friend refused to hold her fish, because it was 'icky'). I explain to them that the really big Marlins must be sleeping on the bottom of the pond, tired and bloated from feeding on coyotes, deer, and baby cows that strayed too close the the water's edge.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"You know what?"

"What?"

"This baby Blue Marlin looks an awful lot like the bass we always catch out this pond. Plus, it's not blue. It's green."

"Well, you see sweetie, Blue Marlin eat a lot of bass, and it turns them green after awhile, just like eating a green popsicle turns your tongue green."

"Oh... Um, daddy?"

"Yes?"

"You're so full of it."

"..."

Busted! In retrospect, I may have overplayed my hand with the 'coyotes, deer, and baby cows" comment. When these kids start getting too wise to believe my lies, I don't know what I'm gonna do for entertainment anymore.

They know it from Shinola...

2008-11-01T20:03:00.004-05:00

What could possibly cause the following expression on the faces of these two beautiful young girls?

Here's what:

One way to build confidence in young kids: When you win a staring contest with something that outweighs you by 600 pounds, it makes you feel pretty tough. And in this case, pretty cute, too.

More cuteness. There is never a shortage of cuteness around here. Need stock market tips? Sorry, can't help you. Cuteness though... cuteness we got.

5 Things To Do in South Central Oklahoma in the Fall

2008-10-29T14:08:00.007-05:00

It's getting cold outside, and parents everywhere are starting to hear the popular refrain from their kids: "I'm bored! There's nothing to do!"

If you live in this neck of the woods, here are a few ideas:

5) The Chief Drive In - Chickasha, OK When was the last time you went to a drive in movie? There aren't all that many left in the US. The Chief is open on weekends in the fall and winter (and 7 days a week during spring and summer), they often have double and triple features, and often show family friendly movies. Food prices are also reasonable. And if you haven't been to a drive-in in a few decades, don't worry... they finally replaced those crappy mono-channel window-hung speakers with a broadcast system that simply plays through your FM radio dial.

4) Meers Resaraunt - Meers, OK Ah, Meers, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways... Nestled just north of the Wichita Mountains in the last remaining building (and it only barely remains) of an old silver mining town, Meers Restaurant has been churning out their pie-plate sized longhorn based Meersburgers for as long as I've been alive. You have not lived until you've eaten one of these and then washed it down with a giant dish of their home-made ice cream and peach cobbler. Be sure to bring cash, they don't take checks or credit cards.

3) Turner Falls - Davis, OK This is a popular waterfall and summertime swimming hole in the Arbuckle Mountains that attracts crowds so large no sane person would ever want to go there in the summertime. However, in the fall and winter, Turner Falls is virtually deserted, even though the park is still open (and the entry fees and camping fees are less than half of the summer rates). Dress warm and go on a hike up above the falls to see some great and easily accessible scenery.

One warning... don't go when it floods, because this:

turns in to this:

2) The Toy & Action Figure Museum - Pauls Valley, OK - A cheap and fun way to kill a few hours on the weekend, this place is just what it says it is: a massive collection of every valuable collectible toy your mother gave away in a garage sale after you moved out of the house.

1) The Chisolm Trail Heritage Center - Duncan, OK - A museum dedicated to cowboy lore, and more specifically to the Chisolm Trail, a major cow trail that ran through these parts after the Civil War, when millions of Longhorn cattle worth $3/head in Texas were herded through here to the Kansas railheads and then shipped back east, where they were worth $50/head. Get a little taste of real chuck wagon food, or practice roping a fake steer from the back of a fake horse, or create your own cattle brand at the branding station... lots to do and see for such a small museum.

Rural Wisdom

2008-10-28T21:20:00.002-05:00

"An odd thing happened to me on the way to visit Trapper Gutowsky the other day. I was just walkin 'long, mindin my own business, you know, right there where Grape Creek comes into Cedar, when I saw a new bird nest in that mesquite tree right there next to that Indian mound. It was a oriole type nest made of shredded threads of yucca leaves and Spanish dagger that hang on the edge of the leaves. Woven tighter'n a straw hat.

Since it was new to me I sat down to watch it. Scarcely had I took off my shoes to watch when the mother bird came with a fresh worm. Immediately, screamin' filled the canyon and it came from a bunch of big yellow-mouthed birds in the nest. She returned four times and the same baby bird got all the worms.

Then's when I noticed the baby bird that was gettin' all the worms was a bird of a different color. What had happened was, a mother cowbird layed her egg in the oriole nest. That wasn't an accident, it always happens, and when the egg hatches the baby bird is always larger, has a longer neck, and so he gets all the worms. It starves the little home-made birds to death.

When I thought of the mother Cowbird not buildin' a nest, not feedin' her young, and starvin' little baby birds to death I got so mad I put my shoes on. I climbed the tree up and took the bird of a different color out of the nest. The other babies were all mouths and tonsils.

I stood there on the ground, looked around, mainly behind me. Kinda to see if anyone was lookin, but mostly for guidance. I put the little bird in the grass off the trail, looked back again, smushed him. Hope I was rite.

I've been wantin to tell God or Trapper 'bout it, but I can't."

-Hondo Crouch, written under the pen name Peter Cedarstacker

Obama says talk to your employer about a day off...

2008-10-28T13:21:00.004-05:00

I'll go one farther and even offer my few employees a paid afternoon off to go campaign door-to-door for Obama on election day here in rural Oklahoma. There is only one caveat: they have to video it, because the entertainment value of that video would be worth the money.

I have been thinking about it today, and I am very proud to live in a state where Obama's ideas are a non-starter with most voters.

It's called foreshadowing, folks...

2008-10-28T13:04:00.002-05:00

"Senator Obama has made a lot of promises. First he said people making less than 250,000 dollars would benefit from his plan, then this weekend he announced in an ad that if you're a family making less than 200,000 dollars you'll benefit — but yesterday, right here in Pennsylvania, Senator Biden said tax relief should only go to "middle class people — people making under 150,000 dollars a year." It's interesting how their definition of rich has a way of creeping down. At this rate, it won't be long before Senator Obama is right back to his vote that Americans making just 42,000 dollars a year should get a tax increase." -John McCAin, 10/28/2008

Rural Gear: The Utility Vehichle

2008-10-27T12:07:00.004-05:00

If you live on a sizable piece of land, one item that is nearly indespensable is some sort of utility vehichle to tool around on. Need to haul a bunch of t-posts and rolls of barbed wire from one side of the Ponderosa to the other? Need to carry a shovel, an axe, a chainsaw, and a weed trimmer to the far side of your spread in order to clear some overgrown brush? Need to spray for weeds down 1/2 a mile of fence line? Need to herd livestock from the pasture to the barn, or carry a bale of hay or a sack of feed from the barn to the pasture? Pick up trucks can handle most or all of these tasks, but they are really geared for heavier duty chores. They guzzle gasoline, are heavy enough to easily get bogged down in a muddy pasture, are not easy to manuever around in tight spots, and in farm/ranch work the pick-up often has an equipment or livestock trailer hithced to it.

Enter the Utility Vehichle, a description which covers a wide range of products, but essentially just means a small (smaller than a full sized truck) vehichle that is useful for chores. For most people, the first thing that comes to mind is an ATV (also known as a 4-wheeler or quad bike), but that's really not what we're talking about here. ATV's are fun for recreational use, and while they do have some utilitarian value, the lack of storage space can be an issue for anybody planning to put one to good use as a Utility Vehichle. For me, at least, a mid-to-large sized utility bed is essential.

Being a budget concientious person, who really doesn't have much livestock or need for a super heavy duty utility vehichle, I've scraped by for the last 4 years with the following set up, which is just a (barely) souped up golf cart. I've got about $800 invested in this thing, which is about as cheap as you are going to get away with. The golf cart has worked well for me for little jobs, but is problematic as I consider making a sizeable investment in cattle next year. It doesn't move fast enough to be useful in rounding up livestock, it doesn't handle mud or rough terrain well at all, it doesn't have enough clearance to scoot across the pasture without taking a careful track to avoid sticks, stumps, and bumps... and most of all it just doesn't have a big enough bed in that back (in spite of my homemade modifications) to be able to haul feed and hay bales around.

(That beautiful thang in the driver's seat is Mrs. Red Dirt Dude)

So I have started looking around for an upgrade. I've long had my eye on a John Deere Gator, which is traditionally hailed as the end-all, be-all in utility vehichles. There are also some great entries by Polaris, Kawasaki, and Yamaha,but all these meet with one giant obstacle: at $10k-$14k apiece, they cost more than the entire herd I'm thinking about buying. So, as nice as it would be to have one these bad boys, I will have to pass.

So just when I was thinking that I might have to settle for some sort of Fred Flinstone type utility vehichle that relies on downhill angles and gravity for a powersource, I started noticing these little beauties cropping up all over the countryside:

Known as kei-cars or mini-trucks, these little Japanese imports sport a covered cab, an interior heater, 4-wheel drive, ample ground clearence, lots of low end torque for hauling heavy loads, a huge utility bed (that hinges down to make an even larger flat bed), as well as 40+MPG fuel efficiency and highway worthy top speeds of 50-60 mph. In fact, because of the popularity of these little guys, Oklahoma recently passed a law that goes into effect on Nov 1 making them street legal on all state roads and highways (excluding Intersate highways).

The best part is the price tag, which weighs in at $2500-$3k depending on what options you get. While that certainly isn't peanuts, when you compare it to the alternatives it is almost a steal. Airports have been using these things for years to haul your baggage from the plane to the claims terminal, but for some reason they have escaped the eye of rural farmers and ranchers until very recently. With that pricetag, and that fuel efficiency, I think you can expect to see these things gaining popularity beyond airports and ranches. The would make nice little commuter cars for an urban or suburban driver who travels 4 or 5 miles to work (hell, I drive 12 miles, and could see myself taking this to the office on dry days in the fall and winter), and in smaller towns they would make great general purpose vehichles simply for getting around the city limits.

I don't have one yet, but hope to get one in the spring in conjunction with a load of cattle (lord willin' and the creeks don't rise).

Live by the Drudge, die by the Drudge...

2008-10-27T11:05:00.003-05:00

On Thursday I posted a sarcasm laced blurb about the nefarious "B" girl.
Turned out that whole thing was a hoax. In retrospect, I should have waited for the story to gel a bit before taking it as fact. My apologies. The girl who perpetrated the hoax will hopefully (and deservedly) be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Lesson learned: Obama supporters may not want to rob you, but Obama himself still does. However, we may all get lucky and escape having to be branded with a "B" upon his election.

Rural Wisdom

2008-10-24T11:20:00.002-05:00

“If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator. He will not be striving for it as a goal unto itself. He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life 24 crowded hours of the day." - W. Beran Wolfe

Oil, that is... black gold... texas tea...

2008-10-24T10:05:00.004-05:00

The sudden and dramatic drop in oil prices has been more shocking to me than the craziness in the stock market. I don't think anybody saw $2.00/gallon gasoline ever coming back. It was almost three years ago when I wrote this piece for cbrookskurtz.com, discussing the enthusiasm with which the populace around here were watching oil prices as they rocketed past $70/barrel. Today there is a palpable anxiety on the street as prices plummet below that same benchmark. For years, the old timers have been telling enthusiastic youngsters, "Watch your money. Oil booms never last." And of course these warnings have been met, either directly or indirectly, with the same timeless answer, "You old fart, it's a different world this time around." 10, 20, or 30 years from now, you can expect this same pattern to repeat itself.

I guess that's just the way the world works sometimes.

Or maybe that's the way it works a lot of the time.

Hell, maybe that's just the way it works.

...

Anyway, I have wondering about the mechanics behind the drop in oil prices. I ran across this article over at The Oil Drum, which is the best explanation I've seen. As with most things, he says you can't pin it down to just one influencing factor, but he offers up a host of reasons that all make good sense to me. Your mileage may vary.

Obama supporter 'gets in their face'...

2008-10-23T15:41:00.004-05:00

Is this what Obama meant when he told his supporters to "argue with them and get in their face"?

He's such an instigator! How can people support a guy who encourages people to do things like this? Unconscionable! (that was sarcasm, folks)

"Richard said the robber took $60 from the woman, then became angry when he saw a McCain bumper sticker on the victim's car. The attacker then punched and kicked the victim, before using the knife to scratch the letter "B" into her face, Richard said."

And hey, maybe that thief NEEDED the money... If the woman makes over $250K per year, doesn't that make this a justifiable redistribution of wealth by Obama's standards? (no sarcasm here, only parody, and just barely at that)

Trick Or Treat, Comrade

2008-10-23T10:18:00.000-05:00

Rural Wisdom

2008-10-22T15:56:00.001-05:00

"Life has got a habit of not standing hitched. You got to ride it like you find it." -Woody Guthrie

Rural Reading - 5 Books

2008-10-22T11:15:00.004-05:00

With all the politickin' that's been going on lately, I haven 't been doing much posting on rural issues. With that in mind, here's a list of 5 books I think rural readers might take interest in... and you city folk might even enjoy a few of these as well. None of these are inherently political or ideological in nature... they are just books I find interesting, that are related to country life or rural issues.

The Stars - by H.A. Rey - Yes, the same H.A. Rey who wrote 'Curious George'. My cousin's husband gave me this book a few years back, and it has provided countless hours of enjoyment for my family as we sit out under the stars on clear nights and use it to pick out constellations. I've looked at numerous constellation books and star charts, but have never found one as easy to use as this book, which draws on simple illustrations and easily accessible celestial reference points to help you locate the constellations. The illustrations actually look like what the constellation is supposed to represent (the book also includes the stories behind many constellations). If you live in the country, it is easy to overlook the treasure afforded you by a clear night sky, free of the city's light pollution. It doesn't sound like that big a deal, but it's one of the main reasons I would have a difficult time ever moving back to town.

Hondo, My Father - by Becky Crouch Patterson Years ago, I used to make an annual pilgrimage with a rather wild bunch of compadres down to Luckenbach, TX for Willie Nelson's 4th Of July bash. On one of these trips, I stumbled across this book in the humble and ramshackle little Luckenbach General Store/Post Office/Saloon. Written by the daughter of Texas Hill Country legend Hondo Crouch, it told a deeply touching story of family life, simplicity, and humor, all wrapped around a very unique attachment to a sense of place. In retrospect, this book probably planted many seeds in my mind about the kind of father I wanted to be someday, and the kind of life I wanted to lead.

Barnyard in Your Backyard: A Beginner's Guide to Raising Chickens, Ducks, Geese, Rabbits, Goats, Sheep, and Cows - by Gail Damerow A very basic introduction to animal husbandry, this book is well organized and provides you with all the introductory information one might need to get a handle on the types of shelter, land, feed, and equipment associated with raising the animals mentioned. We've had horses since we moved out here, but those are more of a hobby and not ever going to be a profitable or extremely useful animal. We have been hit and miss with cows, party for monetary reasons and partly because of the crazy weather cycles we had over the last three years (extreme drought followed by floods)... but we plan on getting a new herd started in the spring. Chickens have always been on my 'to do' list, and I wouldn't mind raising some goats, though with the Hispanic population thinning out around here rather dramatically, I'm not sure if the goat market will hold up... Pigs are also of interest to me, but are conspicuously overlooked in this book.

Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder - by Richard Louv This book should be required reading for educators who deal with children. Louv discusses the numerous ways in which modern society has turned nature into an abstract concept for our kids, and how the demise of unstructured outdoor play can be linked to the increasing regularity of childhood obesity, depression, anxiety, and even attention and hyperactivity disorders. Aimed as much at urban city planners as rural couch potatoes, this is a book that can be appreciated by anyone who remembers playing outside until dark. One of the most important observations of this book is that parents contribute greatly to this problem by being overprotective of their children. Reading it, I realized that I too often fall into this category as well. When I was my daughter's age, my cousins and I might go play in the creek from sunup till sundown without ever seeing an adult. My daughter and her friends can barely be out of sight for half an hour before some worried adult wants to check on them. This is problematic because it is hard to convince a worried parent that their concern is damaging to their children.

Bound For Glory by Woody Guthrie - Woody's biography about his childhood and his hobo years during the Depression and the Dust Bowl, you don't need to be interested in his music or his politics to enjoy this book. Personally, I think this book belongs up there with Huck Finn in its ability to parlay to the reader a feeling of what life was like in America during a particular time and place. One of the things I dislike about the business world, and even America at large, is that fewer and fewer people speak with any kind of regional accent. One of the best parts of this book is the vernacular. To an Okie, it just sounds like people you know.

Progressive Taxation 101

2008-10-20T12:19:00.004-05:00

This one shows up in my 'inbox' a few times every election year. I always love reading it, but less so this year, as the country slips on its brass knuckles and prepares to whollop the hell out of the 10th man yet again:

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men — the poorest — would pay nothing; the fifth would pay $1, the sixth would pay $3, the seventh $7, the eighth $12, the ninth $18, and the tenth man — the richest — would pay $59.

That's what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement — until one day, the owner threw them a curve (in tax language a tax cut).

"Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20." So now dinner for the ten only cost $80.00.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six — the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his "fair share?"

The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, Then the fifth man and the sixth man would end up being PAID to eat their meal. So the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so the fifth man paid nothing, the sixth pitched in $2, the seventh paid $5, the eighth paid $9, the ninth paid $12, leaving the tenth man with a bill of $52 instead of his earlier $59. Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free.

But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man who pointed to the tenth. "But he got $7!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man, "I only saved a dollar, too . . . It's unfair that he got seven times more than me!".

"That's true!" shouted the seventh man, "why should he get $7 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison, "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night he didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered, a little late what was very important. They were FIFTY-TWO DOLLARS short of paying the bill! Imagine that!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college instructors, is how the tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore.

Buy your own.

2008-10-17T16:36:00.001-05:00

Rural Wisdom

2008-10-17T13:16:00.002-05:00

"The freemen of America did not wait till usurped power had strengthened itself by exercise, and entangled the questions in precedents. They saw all the consequences of the principle, and they avoided the consequences by denying the principle. We revere this lesson too much, soon to forget it" -James Madison

Speaking of weddings...

2008-10-16T19:31:00.005-05:00

... the previous post reminded me of the last big wedding we went to, my cousin Jess and her husband Dusty's wedding in Colorado. That wedding was a lot like an Oklahoma country wedding, except without as much beer, and a different kind of live music. Oh, and there were hula hoops there. Here is my daughter at that wedding, teaching 4 year old Noah how to cut a rug (the band playing here was an excellent traditional bluegrass ensemble called The Badly Bent.)

Mike McClure: World Go Round

2008-10-16T18:52:00.004-05:00

My cousin Randy is getting married this weekend and their wedding is going to be a big Oklahoma country wedding, meaning that it will be an all day outdoor family affair (OK, family affair may be stretching it, but there will be many children present with their respective families, including my daughter, may God protect her innocent little ears from the many new words and phrases she is likely to hear) consisting of around 300 people, approximately half a ton of cooked meat, an ocean of free beer, many drunken toasts and ill-begotten marital advice, all culminating in an evening of most excellent live music provided by the Mike McClure Band.

The best part: This all takes place about half a mile down the road from our house (or a quarter mile, if you're willing to go afoot, cut across the pasture, engage three barbed wire fences, and wade across the creek in the dark).

Good times. I have been looking forward to it all week, and in honor of the celebration, here's a bit of the Mike McClure Band (often described as a critically acclaimed bar band, which, come to think of it, could accurately describe my musical tastes: critically acclaimed bar music).

Freedom’s Plow by Langston Hughes

2008-10-16T12:53:00.002-05:00

It seems increasingly likely to me that Obama is going to win this thing.

I find this depressing, to say the least.

It looks like we are about to get the government we deserve. God help us.

I've been talking to other business owners about what business contigencies they are making if Obama wins and actually enacts the policies he's been talking about. One thing that keeps striking me during this conversations: employees all over America would be scared to death if they heard the types of conversations their employers are having. Employers, at least the ones I know, seem to be more worried about an Obama presidency than they are about economic recession.

Anyway, one of my friends said something this morning that stuck with me, "What else can you do? Same as always, just keep your foot on the gas and hang on for a wild ride."

This advice reminded me of the refrain, "Keep your hand on the plow! Hold on!" from the Langston Hughes poem 'Freedom's Plow'. So I looked it up for the first time in years, and found it to be very inspirational. Here it is. Enjoy.

When a man starts out with nothing,

When a man starts out with his hands

Empty, but clean,

When a man starts to build a world,

He starts first with himself

And the faith that is in his heart-

The strength there,

The will there to build.

First in the heart is the dream-

Then the mind starts seeking a way.

His eyes look out on the world,

On the great wooded world,

On the rich soil of the world,

On the rivers of the world.

The eyes see there materials for building,

See the difficulties, too, and the obstacles.

The mind seeks a way to overcome these obstacles.

The hand seeks tools to cut the wood,

To till the soil, and harness the power of the waters.

Then the hand seeks other hands to help,

A community of hands to help-

Thus the dream becomes not one man's dream alone,

But a community dream.

Not my dream alone, but our dream.

Not my world alone,

But your world and my world,

Belonging to all the hands who build.

A long time ago, but not too long ago,

Ships came from across the sea

Bringing the Pilgrims and prayer-makers,

Adventurers and booty seekers,

Free men and indentured servants,

Slave men and slave masters, all new-

To a new world, America!

With billowing sails the galleons came

Bringing men and dreams, women and dreams.

In little bands together,

Heart reaching out to heart,

Hand reaching out to hand,

They began to build our land.

Some were free hands

Seeking a greater freedom,

Some were indentured hands

Hoping to find their freedom,

Some were slave hands

Guarding in their hearts the seed of freedom,

But the word was there always:

Freedom.

Down into the earth went the plow

In the free hands and the slave hands,

In indentured hands and adventurous hands,

Turning the rich soil went the plow in many hands

That planted and harvested the food that fed

And the cotton that clothed America.

Clang against the trees went the ax into many hands

That hewed and shaped the rooftops of America.

Splash into the rivers and the seas went the boat-hulls

That moved and transported America.

Crack went the whips that drove the horses

Across the plains of America.

Free hands and slave hands,

Indentured hands, adventurous hands,

White hands and black hands

Held the plow handles,

Ax handles, hammer handles,

Launched the boats and whipped the horses

That fed and housed and moved America.

Thus together through labor,

All these hands made America.

Labor! Out of labor came villages

And the towns that grew cities.

Labor! Out of labor came the rowboats

And the sailboats and the steamboats,

Came the wagons, and the coaches,

Covered wagons, stage coaches,

Out of labor came the factories,

Came the foundries, came the railroads.

Came the marts and markets, shops and stores,

Came the mighty products moulded, manufactured,

Sold in shops, piled in warehouses,

Shipped the wide world over:

Out of labor-white hands and black hands-

Came the dream, the strength, the will,

And the way to build America.

Now it is Me here, and You there.

Now it's Manhattan, Chicago,

Seattle, New Orleans,

Boston and El Paso-

Now it's the U.S.A.

A long time ago, but not too long ago, a man said:

ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL--

ENDOWED BY THEIR CREATOR

WITH CERTAIN UNALIENABLE RIGHTS--

AMONG THESE LIFE, LIBERTY

AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

His name was Jefferson. There were slaves then,

But in their hearts the slaves believed him, too,

And silently too for granted

That what he said was also meant for them.

It was a long time ago,

But not so long ago at that, Lincoln said:

NO MAN IS GOOD ENOUGH

TO GOVERN ANOTHER MAN

WITHOUT THAT OTHER'S CONSENT.

There were slaves then, too,

But in their hearts the slaves knew

What he said must be meant for every human being-

Else it had no meaning for anyone.

Then a man said:

BETTER TO DIE FREE

THAN TO LIVE SLAVES

He was a colored man who had been a slave

But had run away to freedom.

And the slaves knew

What Frederick Douglass said was true.

With John Brown at Harper's Ferry, Negroes died.

John Brown was hung.

Before the Civil War, days were dark,

And nobody knew for sure

When freedom would triumph

"Or if it would," thought some.

But others new it had to triumph.

In those dark days of slavery,

Guarding in their hearts the seed of freedom,

The slaves made up a song:

Keep Your Hand On The Plow! Hold On!

That song meant just what it said: Hold On!

Freedom will come!

Keep Your Hand On The Plow! Hold On!

Out of war it came, bloody and terrible!

But it came!

Some there were, as always,

Who doubted that the war would end right,

That the slaves would be free,

Or that the union would stand,

But now we know how it all came out.

Out of the darkest days for people and a nation,

We know now how it came out.

There was light when the battle clouds rolled away.

There was a great wooded land,

And men united as a nation.

America is a dream.

The poet says it was promises.

The people say it is promises-that will come true.

The people do not always say things out loud,

Nor write them down on paper.

The people often hold

Great thoughts in their deepest hearts

And sometimes only blunderingly express them,

Haltingly and stumblingly say them,

And faultily put them into practice.

The people do not always understand each other.

But there is, somewhere there,

Always the trying to understand,

And the trying to say,

"You are a man. Together we are building our land."

America!

Land created in common,

Dream nourished in common,

Keep your hand on the plow! Hold on!

If the house is not yet finished,

Don't be discouraged, builder!

If the fight is not yet won,

Don't be weary, soldier!

The plan and the pattern is here,

Woven from the beginning

Into the warp and woof of America:

ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL.

NO MAN IS GOOD ENOUGH

TO GOVERN ANOTHER MAN

WITHOUT HIS CONSENT.

BETTER DIE FREE,

THAN TO LIVE SLAVES.

Who said those things? Americans!

Who owns those words? America!

Who is America? You, me!

We are America!

To the enemy who would conquer us from without,

We say, NO!

To the enemy who would divide

And conquer us from within,

We say, NO!

FREEDOM!

BROTHERHOOD!

DEMOCRACY!

To all the enemies of these great words:

We say, NO!

A long time ago,

An enslaved people heading toward freedom

Made up a song:

Keep Your Hand On The Plow! Hold On!

The plow plowed a new furrow

Across the field of history.

Into that furrow the freedom seed was dropped.

From that seed a tree grew, is growing, will ever grow.

That tree is for everybody,

For all America, for all the world.

May its branches spread and shelter grow

Until all races and all peoples know its shade.

KEEP YOUR HAND ON THE PLOW! HOLD ON!

Joe Wurzelbacher for President

2008-10-15T12:25:00.003-05:00

Glenn Reynolds at Instapunidt linked this interview with Joe Wurzelbacher, the aspiring plumber mentioned in my previous post, who Barack Obama is itching to financially butt rape.

After reading this interview, it has become glaringly obvious to me that Joe would make a much better President than Obama or McCain.

So consider this the official Keepin' It Rural endorsement: Joe Wurzelbacher for President!

Politically speaking, Joe is what Sarah Palin aspires to be, but falls short of (except, you know, with man equipment).

Some quotes:

"I work hard for my money, and the fact that he thinks I make a little too much that he just wants to redistribute it to other people. Some of them might need it, but at the same time, it’s not their discretion to do it – it’s mine."

"See, I believe in working for what I get. I don’t want to say it’s a handout, but essentially that’s what it comes down to. You’re going to tax someone else more that’s been working hard to fulfill the American Dream and you’re gonna give it to other people who – I’m not saying they don’t work as hard, but I’m sure some of them don’t – and I don’t think it’s right just to give it to them or reduce taxes on their part and hike it up on my part like a teeter totter to bring it back even. "

"His healthcare plan scares me. You know, I don’t like people going without healthcare, but it’s not my job to pay for everyone else’s healthcare. It’s hard enough paying for my own."

"It’s not like I was born with a silver spoon. Usually it was a wooden spoon and it was on my butt. It was just a contradiction of terms, what he said: he doesn’t want to punish me but he wants to redistribute my wealth. And what I mean when I say my wealth, I mean the collective. Eventually – I mean, just to sound a little silly here, but you need rich people. I mean, who are you going to work for? "

And perhaps my favorite Joe quote:

"You know, I don’t know enough about that to give you a real intelligent answer. " [Can you imagine how much better our world would be if politicians were actually honest enough to use this phrase sometimes, and if voters were smart enough to accept it? The funny thing is, in spite of his modesty, Joe gives more intelligent answer than either of the Presidential candidates.]

Rural Wisdom

2008-10-15T11:25:00.002-05:00

"The preacher started reading his prayer, which was new to me. Where I come from, if a man can't think of anything to pray about offhand, why, there is no need of him praying." -Will Rogers

Because plumbers are greedy fat cats, too...

2008-10-15T11:05:00.004-05:00

" I can see a role for the Communist Party in this next period." -Libero Della Piana, State Chair of the New York State Communist Party

It's been all over the web, so you've probably seen it, but it bears commenting on because it exemplifies the exact issue I have with Barack Obama. From the New York Post:

The fracas over Obama's tax plan broke out Sunday outside Toledo when Joe Wurzelbacher approached the candidate.
Wurzelbacher said he planned to become the owner of a small plumbing business that will take in more than the $250,000 amount at which Obama plans to begin raising tax rates.

"Your new tax plan is going to tax me more, isn't it?" the blue-collar worker asked.

After Obama responded that it would, Wurzelbacher continued: "I've worked hard . . . I work 10 to 12 hours a day and I'm buying this company and I'm going to continue working that way. I'm getting taxed more and more while fulfilling the American Dream."

"It's not that I want to punish your success," Obama told him. "I want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they've got a chance for success, too. "

Then, Obama explained his trickle-up theory of economics.
"My attitude is that if the economy's good for folks from the bottom up, it's gonna be good for everybody. I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody."

Now, there are all kinds of issue I have with this, from the wealth redistribution aspect of it to the stunning disconnect between Obama's portrayal of wealthy selfish 'fat cats' and this hard working entrepreneurial plumber. But let's set those aside for a moment and take a look at the most infuriating thing Obama does here.

Obama brazenly assumes that if he can just take enough of Mr. Wurzelbacher's money and give it to others, they will be able to copy his success. In Obama's world, success is all about the government's ability to help people who can't or won't help themselves. Give dispossessed people opportunity, and they will succeed. Never mind why they were dispossessed in the first place. Never mind their intelligence, work ethic, vision, and desire. It's just not fair that they don't have a chance to start a plumbing business too. Guys like Wurzelbacher have an unfair advantage because... because, why exactly? Because he works long hours and saves money?

He ignores Wurzelbacher's statement of just how much work it takes in order for him to make his money. 10-12 hours per day. My best friend in the world is a self-employed plumber, and let me assure you, when they talk about 10-12 hours a day, they don't mean Monday-Friday, they mean 7 days a week, in sweltering heat and freezing cold, and an awful lot of those hours are emergency calls at 2 or 3 in the morning. They are much harder hours than most people reading this put in during their work day. They are much nastier and physically demanding than anything Obama will ever be asked to do as President. Take a homeless person off the street and offer them a job working for good pay in 105 degree heat up to their elbows in human excrement, and most of them will tell you they are happier on the street.

To think that Obama would look this fellow in the eye and tell him "It's not that I want to punish you for your success" while at the same time threatening to take even more of his money (if he earns over $250k per year, he already pays a marginal tax rate over twice as high as most Americans) away and give it to people who have done nothing to deserve it... it just boggles the mind. What's worse, Obama won't even come clean about just how much money he wants to take away from people like Wurzelbacher. I've seen estimates that put it at 50% of their income (and that's just federal taxes).

Quite frankly, Obama is lucky this man didn't punch him in the teeth (not that I'm saying he should have, but again, my best friend is a plumber, and plumbers are wired a bit differently, and more apt than most people to punch a dumbass in the teeth).

Rural Wisdom

2008-10-13T00:45:00.002-05:00

"Our stories, our personal stories, our family stories, those are our real gold. If we're lucky, as we age, we put our stories in the bank, where they gather interest in deepening meaning." -Richard Louv

On nationalizing banks...

2008-10-12T23:52:00.002-05:00

Our government seems to be seriously considering this.

Here's a hoot of a quote:

Lawrence Summers, former Clinton treasury secretary, said, "Any time you have a problem with trust, you've got to deal with it in a very aggressive way."

Great idea. Take an agency that a few people no longer trust and replace it with one that nobody trusts. Our government couldn't run a damn lemonade stand without bankrupting it (while also somehow managing to demolish the orange juice market, the grapefruit juice market, and the apple juice market) and we want to give them managing control over the banks?!?!

No thanks. Please, somebody just make them stop.

Chesapeake Energy, Aubrey McClendon, & Obamanomics

2008-10-12T20:16:00.010-05:00

So the big buzz over the weekend in this little corner of the world, aside from the obvious dismay expressed about the OU/TX game, was Chesapeake Energy and Aubrey McClendon.

Chespaeake is the largest independent producer of natural gas, and the most active driller of new land-based wells, (oil and NG) in the United States. Headquartered in Oklahoma City, and employing close to 5000 people directly (and many times that number in contract work), Chesapeake has been one of the shining stars in a state economy that has been booming for close to 4 years now. The town I live in sits above one of the most prolific natural gas reserves in North America, hence Chesapeake is a major player. They have a production center here, and many of our small oilfield service companies do piecework for Chesapeake. My sister, for instance, works for a small company that employs about 30 people who research local mineral rights and land leases for Chesapeake contracts. Like so many mid-to-large sized companies, Chesapeakes economic influence is much, much larger than the company itself.

So when it was reported late last week on the news that Chesapeake's CEO, a man named Aubrey McClendon, had been forced to sell every last share of his Chesapeake stock to cover a margin call, people understandably began to freak out. My sister's employer has called an emergency meeting Monday morning, where it is expected they will lay off 1/4 or more of their employees. Local operators who drill for Chesapeake have called in some of their drilling crews, and are expecting to call in more next week, which means we can expect to start seeing one of the worse things an oil town can see: multi-million dollar drilling rigs stacked up and collecting dust in the office yards.

Now, Aubrey McClendon (who, in addition to being CEO, also happens to be the co-founder of the company) has apparently made some bad investment decisions. In 2006, he invested millions of his own money into a real estate development deal in Michigan, which of course happens to be one of the worst real estate markets in the country right now. More recently, the fact that he had to meet call margins on the stock market means that he had borrowed massive amounts of money to buy more company stock. One month ago this would have seemed like a safe bet, as nobody expected energy companies to take a hit even if the rest of the economy did, but it turns out this was wrong thinking. Energy stocks are down across the board, and if you had the misfortune of borrowing money to buy stock in one of them, your banker come calling. For Aubrey McClendon, the only way he could raise enough money to pay the debt back was to sell all of his remaining stock in the company.

So what does this mean in real dollars? Let's take a look. According to The New York Times, McClendon owned 33.5 Million Shares of Chesapeake. A few months ago, these shares were trading at $60 per, putting his wealth at just over $2 Billion. In order to meet his margin call last week, he was forced to sell these shares during one of the worst market downturns in history, and he sold every last share he owned for bewteen $15 and $22 per share. Using $18 as the average share price, this means our double billionaire just became worth $600 Million, and then had to give most (or presumably all) of that money to the bank. $2 Billion in wealth, gone in a puff of smoke. It's hard to wrap your brain around government numbers such as $700 Billion, but you can almost do it with $2 Billion.

So now you are asking, "OK, some fat cat CEO lost his ass. I hate fat cat CEO's and am not about to feel sorry for one of them. What does this have to do with Obama?"

First, I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for this man. He gambled with his money and lost, fair and square, and he should take his lumps like a man (and I bet he will). He is still CEO of a large company, has a base salary of around $800,000 per year, and won't be cancelling his Netflix subscription and giving up his gourmet coffee habit in order to tighten the financial belt as many millions of Americans are about to be forced to do. He'll be OK.

But let us not overlook something very important here. In 1989 Aubrey McClendon staked everything he had in a corporate venture, and over the next 19 years built it up to create vast sums of of wealth for countless investors, tens of thousands of jobs for everyday working people, billions upon billions of dollars in tax revenue for local, state, and federal government, while also providing a product that is vital to our society, one that keeps millions of people warm on cold winter nights, heats their water, and cooks their food. That is no small feat. In my opinion, it is one of the highest accomplishments a person can merit. Mother Theresa, though she didn't work on a profit motive, also never created a job, which is the fastest way to lift people from poverty. No President has ever created so much as a single private sector job. The only kinds of jobs they can create are ones that exist at the expense of taxpayers. So, love him or hate him, but let us all admit that Aubrey McClendon has a very unique kind of knowledge and ability that is vital to the American economy.

And in a time of trouble, when a man who knows how to create jobs is in need of capital to create more of them, when he is reeling from a financial loss that few of us can even begin to fathom, what does Barack Obama propose? Raise his taxes. Make him pay more. Divide him from the capital he needs (and the capital he has produced). And don't forget to demagogue him, call him a 'fat cat' at every opportunity, decry his greed, his social abusiveness, ignore every job he created, every tax dollar he paid, every home he kept warm. Instead of using that money to increase the production of natural gas, we'll use it to build another million dollar projector system in some musuem in some Senator's state. Instead of being harnessed to generate a job for a willing worker who needs one, that money will be thrown to the mob, to be fought over in Congress like a chunk of steak, with the victor using it for some purpose to further their political career instead of putting food on a table.

In good times, I could almost understand the call to increase taxes on people like Aubrey McClendon. I'd disagree with it, because the wealthy already pay the overwhelming majority of taxes in the US, and if any cuts are being given they deserve to get part of it, and they certainly don't deserve to have their already unfair share increased. But for Obama to call for these increases during a time of economic crisis, it reveals a complete disconnect from him regarding the realities of the marketplace. Obama is an advocate for eating the goose that lays the golden egg, and before America falls in line behind his bugle call, they should really consider whether its worth watching their children go hungry over, because that could very well be the kind of outcome he delivers.

UPDATE: Looks like I'm not the only one with concerns about Obama's economic naivite. Lot's of economists agree.

UT students have no priorities...

2008-10-09T18:33:00.002-05:00

Don't they know there is a much more important contest coming up this weekend?

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) - Facing a free-speech uproar, the University of Texas backed down Thursday from punishing two students who refused to remove political signs from their dormitory window.

Connor Kincaid and his cousin and roommate, Blake Kincaid, said they were barred from registering for spring classes after refusing Wednesday to take down their signs supporting Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

As of today...

2008-10-09T16:56:00.004-05:00

... a single share of Ford Motor Company costs less than a venti latte at Starbucks.

And the sad thing is it still doesn't sound like a good investment to me.

Crazy times.

Update: Over at cbrookskurtz, my friend Creede offers a great write up explaining why these problems are primed to get much, much worse if Americans actually go insane and vote Barack Obama into the White House.

And for those of you who are wondering, I know this hasn't been much of a political blog since its inception, but for the next 30 days it will be noticably more so. I hope my views and rants don't drive off any of my 10-or-so regular readers, but these are times that call for engaging dialogue, so rather than run off I hope you will contribute to the discussion. I can't promise to always be nice but I will always be fair.

For the record: I don't like either ticket. I think they will both be bad for America. But I think Barack Obama's economic policies will be disastrous, quite possibly catastrophic if he actually tries to carry them out (although I suspect he won't... his failure to adjust his plan to current economic realities makes me think he's just another politician an making empty promises to get elected).

One one to grow on...

2008-10-09T10:32:00.000-05:00

Two boys are playing football at this park in a small town in Oklahoma when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving his friend.

A local sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy he's going to write the story and says, "I'll title it 'Young Sooner Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal'".
"But I'm not a Sooner fan", the little hero replies.

"Sorry, since we're in Oklahoma, I just assumed you were", says the reporter and he starts writing again. He asks "How does 'OK State Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack' sound?"

"I'm not an OSU fan either", the boy says.

"Oh, I thought everyone in Oklahoma was either for the Pokes or the Sooners. What team do you root for?", the reporter asks.

"I'm just visiting my cousin, I'm a Texas Longhorn fan", the boy replies. "They're just the best!"

The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Longhorn Bastard From Texas Kills Beloved Family Pet".

Shorthorns

2008-10-09T10:24:00.003-05:00

Whats the difference between Mack Brown and God?.................................. God doesn't think he's Mack Brown.

How do you get an UT graduate off your porch?..................................................pay him for the pizza

What does an UT graduate say to an OU grad?.......................................Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?

How do UT grads park in the Handicap parking?...............................They stick their diploma on the front windshield.

Do you know why UT installed artificial turf on their field?....................... To keep the homecoming queens from grazing on the ground, but now they can't keep the groundskeeper from mowing it.

What will UT do to prevent an OU win?...............................Wait until next year!

How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Longhorn team?............................................One, and his name is Colt McCoy!!!

How many UT football players does it take to change a light bulb?..........Only one. But he gets three credit hours, a new car, and about $5,000 in cash for it.

How do you keep an UT student busy for a month? ...........Give him a package of M & M's and tell him to alphabetize them.

Rural Wisdom

2008-10-06T18:03:00.002-05:00

"The University Of Oklahoma - Providing Texans with more National Championship rings than all the colleges in Texas, combined." -Popular bumper sticker

Monday's Longhorn Humor

2008-10-06T17:57:00.001-05:00

A first grade teacher in Austin, Tx, explains to her class that she is a Longhorn fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Longhorn fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl...
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, " Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Longhorn fan " she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked "Well, if you are not a Longhorn fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a Sooner fan," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, WHY are you a Sooner fan?"
"Because my Mom is a Sooner fan, my Dad is a Sooner fan, so I am a Sooner fan also."
"Well" said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Sooner fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all the time. What if your Mom was a snotty arrogant jackass and your Dad was a snotty arrogant jackass, what would you be then?"
"Then" Janie smiled,"We'd be Longhorn fans."

It's not rivalry, it's a shootout!

2008-10-06T14:16:00.004-05:00

So the Dow is down 800 ponts today (and thus, my prediction is sadly redeemed).
So our leaders are selling us down the river while patting one another on their lecherous, scaly little backs.
So the Presidential contest is shaping up to be a choice between which leg you'd rather have amputated.
So things have gotten so bad that illegal immigrants are leaving the country en mass, while investment bankers are offering to mow your lawn for peanuts.

Times like these, my friends, are why God invented college football, and more importantly, college football rivalries, and more specifically the OU/Texas Red River Shootout, which takes place in Dalls this Saturday at 11AM CST.

To which, I only have one thing to say:

For the rest of the week, be sure to check back here often as I unblushingly take all my great frustrations with the entire world and vent them on The University Of Texas football program and its hapless supporters.

And to get it started, let us observe briefly a moment that all Sooner fans will forever remember in the storied history of this game, perhaps the greatest 30 seconds of Sooner football in my lifetime. Friends, Romans, and countrymen, I give you... The Play:

Rural Wisdom

2008-10-01T12:33:00.001-05:00

""Watch money. Money is the barometer of a society's virtue. When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion--when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing--when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors--when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you--when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice--you may know that your society is doomed. " -Ayn Rand (from the Francisco d'Anconia speech in Atlas Shrugged.... I promise, I'm done talking about it now).

On the value of money.

2008-09-30T16:31:00.003-05:00

"Your daddy is out sweeping streets because he took every last dime he had, and used it to pay up every man and woman he owed and every business who worked for him, instead of declaring bankruptcy like everyone else in town, including your best friend Wilbur Charles' dad, Raymond, which is why he's able to sit around all day long on his dignity! You're daddy stared adversity in the eye, Hardy. And he beat it back with a broom." -Matt Damon, from "The Legend Of Bagger Vance"

I'm not a golf person, but I tend to enjoy golf movies, and this quote has been running around in my head for the last two days. You know, if more Americans still possessed this attitude, we wouldn't be in the mess we're in. It is a true failing of our national character that so many people, when faced with a falling housing market where their mortgage suddenly exceeded the value of their home, have decided to simply walk away from it all, even if they still had the ability to make their monthly payments. I personally know people who have done this, and the behavior surprises me coming from them. But the truth is, they were simply never taught the true value of money.

For a country so historically proud of its capitalism, we seem to have lost sight of what is good about it, about what exactly money is, and why it is a thing to be valued, honored, and protected, and not simply a means to an end.

In one of my favorite novels, Atlas Shrugged, one of the characters gives a speech about money (perhaps you've heard about the famous 90-page speech in Atlas Shrugged... this isn't it, this is only a couple of pages long, and much easier to comprehend). In this speech, money is put into perhaps the most proper perspective ever ascribed to it in the history of economic, psychological, or spiritual rhetoric.

I wish every American would read this speech and contemplate its meaning. Much of Rand's work is politically dogmatic, in that it speaks most profoundly to people who already agreed with her. This passage, however, seems to stand on its own as an incredibly powerful unveiling of the essence of what money is to our culture, and I think even people who might otherwise disagree with Rand can find a deep appreciation in these words. You can read the whole thing here, but the entire meaning is encapsulated in the very last sentence, and it is a meaning that is staring us in the face today:

"When money ceases to be the tool by which men deal with one another, then men become the tools of men. Blood, whips and guns--or dollars. Take your choice--there is no other--and your time is running out." -Ayn Rand

This is why I shouldn't make predictions...

2008-09-30T09:02:00.003-05:00

...because there is always some little thing I overlook. Like the fact that the entire bailout package would fail to pass. I'm so used to not getting my way politically that I never for a second considered this to be an realistic option.

Well, score one for capitalism, even if the economy did take a big hit.

In the meantime, it hurts too much to think or talk about the stock market today.

Instead, here's a little piece by the ever-readable P.J. O'Roarke, wherein he considers his own mortality upon receiving a cancer diagnosis. Read it. I promise it is not as dire as it sounds. You don't believe me? Here's an excerpt: " I'm told I have a 95% chance of survival. Come to think of it -- as a drinking, smoking, saturated-fat hound -- my chance of survival has been improved by cancer."

Rural Wisdom

2008-09-29T11:39:00.003-05:00

"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." - Claire Wolfe, 1996

"I admit that, somewhere between passage of the Real ID act and the brutal bureaucratic botch after Hurricane Katrina, I was slapped into the conclusion that perhaps this is the time to shoot the bastards." -Claire Wolfe, 2005

Bailout backlash...

2008-09-29T08:51:00.004-05:00

So, our Congress is now in the process of passing the single largest government bailout of private industry in the history of the world. I am against it, for many reasons, and I can almost guarantee that it will have long term unintended consequences that will be just as bad for America as was the crisis it was designed to prevent.

However, in the short term, I want to make a little prediction this morning. I don't make economic predictions often. I am not a good stock picker. In fact, half the reason I went in business for myself was because I figured out that the only way I seem to be able to make my money grow is by engaging in capitalism directly... my bets on the efforts of other people's engagement in capitalism never seem to pay off. But this prediction is something different. This is just a common sense thing, and something I hear everybody talking about EXCEPT for the people in Washington or the talking heads on the news. Here it is:

People who are invested in stocks have been panicked for two weeks. Usually, they have money market accounts to park their money in when things get this scary. Right now, for the first time ever, money market accounts don't sound like such a safe bet (my dad has been unable to access one of his money market funds for over a week, and has no idea what remaining value it has, as a result of Lehman Brothers going down). So a lot of small-to-medium investors have just been leaving their money in the stock market for now, betting that the government is going to pass the Bailout package to shore up money market accounts. Nobody wants to move their money until this is finished.

But what will the result be on the stock market once the ink dries on this bill? Nobody (and I mean NOBODY) thinks the US economy is in for a good ride over the next few years. And the whole debate in Washington for the last two weeks has only served to underscore that point. Nationally, we are doing what is the equivalent of turning over our taxes to the dumbest kid in your daughter's 6th grade pre-algebra class, while also taking out a second mortgage on our home to pay this dumb kid to do the taxes for us. This story will not have a happy ending, and most sane people know this.

So, my prediction is that as soon as investors feel comfortable that the government has adequately protected the money market funds, they are going to pull out of the stock market at near-historic levels. I wouldn't be surprised to see the total value of the stock market drop by a third over the next few weeks. As is always the case when the government interferes in the lives of free people, their attempts to make things better are simply going to run the "bad thing" through a giant Rube Goldberg contraption, and then dump it on the American people in a new form that half of them weren't expecting. Get ready for it.

And this will only be the first iteration of the fallout from this mess. Just wait until the government starts assigning Congressmen (who already have a full time job they can't adequately perform) to figure out the true value of all this mortgage debt they are backing up.

Interesting times have arrived. Run and hide.

Rural Wisdom

2008-09-25T10:29:00.002-05:00

"I want people to take thought about their condition and to recognize that the maintainence of a free society is a very difficult and complicated thing and it requires a self-denying ordinance of the most extreme kind. It requires a willingness to put up with temporary evils on the basis of the subtle and sophisticated understanding that if you step in to do something about them you not only may make them worse, you will spread your tentacles and get bad results elsewhere." -Milton Friedman

[OK, this isn't really a rural quote, but it belies an attitude you will find in many rural areas that says, "Live and let live." It also speaks volumes about the monumental decision we are facing today regarding our economy.]

The Belleville Outfit: All Of Me

2008-09-19T09:57:00.004-05:00

Earlier this month, my family loaded up in the truck and drove to beautiful Pagosa Springs, CO (queue up C.W. McCall's 'Wolf Creek Pass') to meet my cousin Jess and her husband Dusty at the Four Corners Music Festival for a weekend of good music, good food, and good company. The 4-Corners festival is mainly a bluegrass event, and while I am no bluegrass aficionado, I have always enjoyed hearing it played live (my grandfather used to take me to bluegrass festivals when I was a kid).

Our camping area was set up near one of the small side stages for the festival, where some of the performers would warm up before going out on the main stage. Almost as soon as we got our camping area set up, a band called The Belleville Outfit from Austin, TX began tuning up on this stage, and we grabbed a patch of ground and sat and listened for awhile. They were playing completely unplugged, just getting themselves tightened up for the big performance and having some fun. They had wonderful talent and energy, and their performance set the mood for the rest of our weekend.

Skip forward to this morning, and here I am back in Oklahoma, at my office, sitting at my desk sipping coffee and daydreaming about our Colorado trip, and I get to thinking about that band we saw warming up near our campsite, so I go to Youtube to look them up, and low-and-behold, somebody had posted the exact same warm-up performance that I witnessed. In fact, near as I can tell, I was sitting about 10 feet behind the person who recorded this. This put a big smile on my face. Technology is a wonderful thang.

Here is the performance. If you ever get a chance to see these guys, don't miss it. They are a versatile group and touch on a lot of different styles from jazz, to traditional folk music, to a more progressive bluegrass sound. The young lady sawing on the fiddle in this video is also an amazing singer who can close her eyes and channel Billie Holiday at will, although she doesn't sing at all during this clip:

Pioneer Profile: Sippia Hull

2008-09-16T10:17:00.004-05:00

What are Pioneer Profiles?

This is one of my favorite pioneer interviews I have run across. Sippia Hull was the daughter of a man named Smith Paul, a white man who ran away from home in North Carolina at age 16, was adopted by the Chickasaw tribe, accompanied them to Indian Territory along the Trail Of Tears, and established the town of Pauls Valley, which is about 20 miles east of where I live. The descendants of Smith Paul have a storied history, including a murder between a father and son over the love of a woman. My grandmother worked for 20 years at the Pauls Valley corthouse as a court stenographer for Smith Paul's great grandson, Judge Haskell Paul.

You can read about the epic story of three generations of the Paul family in the historical fiction novel Shadow Of An Indian Star, by Bill and Cindy Paul. This novel, while being very simply written, is one of my favorite books I have read in the last 5 years. John Scneider (that's right, Bo Duke) has recently signed on as Executive Producer and Director for a television miniseries based on this book.

SIPPIA HULL INTERVIEW

I was born February 1, 1843, about four or five miles from Fort Arbuckle. I was named for the Chickasaw Chief Juzan's wife. My family lived there until the Civil War broke out. My mother was born in Mississippi; her name was Ela-Teecha Brown; her father was Ah-la-tack Brown (house of Mo-suck-cha); she was a full blood Chickasaw. She was among one of the first groups to come out here with the Chickasaws between 1834 and 1836. My father was born in (1809 in Cravens County,) North Carolina; his name was Smith Paul and he was a white man.

My mother was a widow (of Rev. McClure) with three children in Mississippi when my father married her. As a great many others did, they settled near Boggy Depot. Then they moved from Boggy Depot to Fort Arbuckle. Our family consisted of my two brothers, Sam and Jessie Paul, one half-sister, Kathrine McClure who married Tom Waite [Tom Waite was the father of Fred Waite, who fought with Billy The Kid during the Lincoln County War and later settled in Pauls Valley to become a Chickasaw statesman who fought a losing battle against the federal government to turn Indian Territory into a state named Sequoyah] and raised a large family, and one half-brother, Tecumseh McClure.

My father was interested in farming; it was always his desire to go into the farming business on a large scale. Just before the war (Civil War) broke out he had made a trip to this locality and realized that it was a wonderful place for farming. Very soon he had a home built for us; it was of hewed logs. The house was built of single rooms but close together, and then some cabins in the back for the slaves. These houses while they were crude were comfortable. This first home built in Pauls Valley was built near to the Elm trees, now standing at the residence of Roy Burks, a great-grandson of Smith Paul's first wife, widow McClure, a Chickasaw Woman. When the home was completed, he came back to old Fort Arbuckle and brought his family up.

This valley was smooth, just a little bit rolling, with grass and thousands of acres without a weed on it. One had only to plow the soil and plant corn. They had such wonderful seasons at that time; the corn just left alone would grow to maturity and yield from thirty to forty bushels to the acres, untouched by any cultivation. Before the war my father had about 100 acres in cultivation and he sold corn to the United States Government at Fort Arbuckle and Fort Cobb.

When the Civil War broke out in 1861, the friendly Plains Indians came around the locality where my father had his farm. They were the Comanche, Caddo, Apache, Cheyenne, Osage and I think some Delaware. One mixed band located at Cherokee Town, another on my father's farm, a band of Osage across the river and a band of Caddo Indians under old Lady White Bead, five miles up the river. And the Government realized that they must do something with and for those Indians, so they appointed my father as an agent to issue them rations. This was one reason that my father did not have to go to war.

During the time that my father was agent over the friendly Plains Indians, there were wild Indians from Texas and what is now Western Oklahoma, that came into this section of the country killing and robbing people. We were always afraid they were coming to molest us, but they never did. However, they did come near enough at one time to scalp one of the Courtney boys, whose father had a farm on "Courtney Flat." There were times when we would hear they were coming and would hide out in the corn fields and in the woods during the day and night. Although I was just a child, I remember among the officers of Fort Arbuckle was Captain Custer, who was killed in what is called the "Custer Massacre," on Little Big Horn River in Montana. When the war broke out the Government removed the troops from Fort Arbuckle, taking away the protection for the Indians, so the Chickasaws were compelled through force of circumstances to enlist with the Confederates. I remember well when the buffalo roamed this country. The friendly Indians always kept us in buffalo meat. The deer, wild turkey, prairie chicken and quail were in great abundance. There was never any need for us to be without fresh meat.

At one time there was a band of Cheyenne attempting a raid on Pauls Valley in November 1871. Custer's troops drove them farther west and inflicted a crushing defeat upon the Cheyenne at the Washita, above Chickasha, Indian Territory, killing Black Kettle, their chief, and compelling them to return to their reservations [this is the controversial Battle Of The Washita, often portrayed as a massacre, and referenced in the movies Little Big Man and The Last Samauri]. My brothers, Jessie and Sam Paul, enlisted with Custer's troops to aid them in moving the Indians back. A great many of the friendly Indians were with them also. When they returned to Pauls Valley, they celebrated with a scalp dance which continued uninterrupted for three weeks. The news of the scalp dance reached Red River and hundreds of residents of Texas along the river came to witness the celebration. I remember so well seeing the wife of one of the friendly Indian Chiefs wearing Black Kettle's coat home, and I also saw the scalps they brought home.

After the war was over, they got friendly and brought the prisoners in. Part were civilized and others were still on the war path. They had to fight to keep them from the white people. Those they could capture were held for ransom, if they were not killed. For quite a while after the war we were the only settlers in this section of the country. My father hired us a private teacher. It was not easy to get teachers to come and live on this frontier, so our education was quite limited. At the early age of 16 (ca1859) I was married to Jim Arnold, a Texan, and one little girl was born to us, named Tamsie. After five years (ca1864) I was left a widow.

Knowing they had a school for Indians at Fort Sill, I decided to go up there to school. I boarded with a Mexican woman who had been ransomed and married and raised a family. She was ransomed by a soldier by the name of Chandler who afterward married her. I took my little girl along with me and Mrs. Chandler took care of her while I attended school. While I was there I met William Hull, an Englishman, who was employed by the Government to work under the Indian Agent Tatum. After he met me he decided to come down and live near my father. He was a professional blacksmith, This was on the main traveled road of the freighters to Fort Sill and Fort Cobb. He accumulated quite a fortune at that business. Then we were married.

The school I attended in Fort Sill was under the supervision of the Quakers. Of course, I attended their church; it all seemed very strange to me, for when they went in the church they usually sang a song first, then they sat and waited for the spirit to move them. Sometimes someone would pray or talk and then again there were times when no one would either talk or pray; they would sit quietly for a while and then leave.

While my father was not such a religious man he realized that we must have the uplifting influence of hearing the gospel preached. So he hired, by the year, a preacher by the name of E. Couch from Texas to preach to us regularly every Sunday; he made his home with us. By that time there were more people living in this part of the country , but miles and miles apart, but they would come to this service and my father and mother always arranged to have a splendid meal for the entire congregation, as that was one of the pleasant occasions that we looked forward to. Then later my father built a frame church himself, having the lumber freighted from Atoka. We had many other ministers of other denominations, but I do not remember their names now. It was not a matter of choice to him as to the denomination. J. M. Hamill, Superintendent of Colbert School and pastor at Fort Arbuckle. also preached to us.

About this time my husband had lumber freighted from Atoka to build us a home. By this time my father had accumulated sufficient wealth to build him a huge log house a story and a half high, which was about three-quarters of a mile from the present town of Pauls Valley. It was there he had a large fruit orchard set out. When the fruit began to bear he gave away to everyone that wanted it and some came and hauled it off by the wagon loads. It was at this home that my mother died in 1872. In about five years my father married a young woman by the name of Sara Ann Lily; her family lived in this locality. Then he built the rock house which was about a quarter of a mile from the log house. My father died in 1893, at White Bead, and left a widow and two children by the names of Steve and Tamsie.

During the Civil War (1861-1865) we had to spin and weave all of our cloth to make our clothes and knit our hose. I was anxious to do what everyone else did and they let me, although I was only about nine years old (1852?), I wove enough cloth to make me a dress; even though it looked rather knotty, they made me a dress out of it. The cotton from which we spun the thread had to be picked from the seeds with our fingers; we usually did this work at night. The pecans grew in this locality in great abundance as they do today, and we ate nuts and picked the cotton off the seeds and my mother would tell us Indian legends. We learned by putting the cotton down by the fire and getting it warm it was much easier to get the seeds out. It was during those early days that a man came through the country with what he called a miniature gin, similar to a clothes ringer of today, and this helped us to get the seeds out faster. Of course, people came in to see how it worked and everyone wanted to try and turn the handle and my brother, boy-like, turned it and broke the handle off. My mother used to make straw hats for the boys out of wheat straw and in the winter they would catch coons and she would make them caps out of the skins. My father would make us shoes out of cowhide. He could do a little of everything, but this was only in war times. How I disliked them, and how glad I was when we could buy shoes ready-made.

When it was hog-killing time the men dug a large pit and they brought up right near the pit dead wood for a fire, and rocks. Then they would fill this pit nearly full of water and then roll the rocks that had been heated by this fire into the water, making it hot enough to scald the hogs and usually they were able to take care of about fifteen at a time; all of the neighbors would come to help. They would have great fun with each other in the work and broiling the melts to eat. We made sausage but we had no sausage mills in those days; we used mortars and beat it with a pestle.

When they first began raising wheat in Pauls Valley, after they had the wheat shocked they would first cut off the heads, get it in a low pile and drive the oxen around and around on it, then it was taken up and fanned. The husks were removed and then the wheat was sacked up. The nearest mill to ground the wheat and the corn was in what is now Franks, Oklahoma. It was there that Gov. Cyrus Harris built the first mill after the war. It was built on Mill Creek. It took them days and days to go and come.

And one of the things I remember which made such an impression on my mind was the dreadful epidemic of smallpox. There were two kinds, the black smallpox, which was usually fatal, and the red smallpox, which was the milder form. My brother Sam was on a scouting expedition among the wild tribes and took the smallpox. My father heard of his being sick, and when he located him he was almost dead, but he nursed him until he got well and brought him home. That was the way the smallpox was brought to our family, and we all had it. But we knew how to doctor ourselves and all of the family lived. The Plains Indians had caught it by this time, too, and died in great numbers. Sometimes an entire family died, because there was not one left to wait on the other. They did not understand how to take care of themselves and would go out and take cold. They were buried up and down the river and where the town of Pauls Valley now stands.

In the year of 1874 my husband (William Hull) and I moved to the Washita River near White Bead Hill, now called Whitebead, where we erected a very commodious and comfortable home. He put in a farm of several hundred acres. It was at this home that my husband died. We had six children born to us, four girls and two boys, William Hull, deceased; La Vina Hull Merchant; Jessie Hull; Melva Hull; Lucia Hull, deceased; Flora Hull McSweeney; Jessie Hull Brim. A few years before my husband's death I went to California with a son for his health, but he soon passed away and I returned to Oklahoma. I had learned to like California and did not feel satisfied in my oId home without my husband, and I returned to California with one of my daughters. I have made my home there ever since, and I am quite content there as all of my children have come there to live with the exception of one. I cannot say I love California better than my own state and country, but I like the milder climate better, and I know that it is best for my health. I will always love to come back as long as I can and visit my relatives and old friends.

Reference: Indian Pioneer Papers, Oklahoma Historical Society, Oklahoma City, OK.

Rural Wisdom

2008-09-16T10:08:00.001-05:00

"Townfolk know pleasures, country people joys." - Minna Thomas Antrim

Erie...

2008-09-12T15:39:00.005-05:00

As I have mentioned before, I live in an oil town. As goes the price of a barrel of oil, so goes our local economy. Things have been booming here for a few years. Tons of small independant oil companies and a few of the Big Boys have been drilling like crazy and setting up new pumps all over the landscape. It is kind of reassuring, driving through the countryside and seeing all those pumps going through their lazy up and down motions. However, the oil (and much of the natural gas) supply chains around here all run through Houston. That is where they store and refine the oil we produce.

This afternoon, driving home from work, I had an uneasey feeling, but couldn't put my finger on it. Then I noticed: Every single pump is standing still, head bowed, as if in silent contemptation of the catastrophe that is coming tonight.

Damn you, Ike.

Godspeed to the people of Houston, Galveston, and everyone else endangered on the Gulf Coast. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

The lost art of the insult.

2008-09-10T13:55:00.004-05:00

People who complain about how ugly this Presidential campaign is getting have absolutely no sense of the scope and tone of political discourse throughout history. So far, this is probably one of the cleanest campaigns ever run. We have become a nation of faux-outraged ninnies. In fact, my biggest complaint so far is that the lack of originality of the insults we are seeing. Compiled from various sources, here is a sampling of some of history's more colorful political (and not-so political) insults. Can we step it up please? (you'll notice many of these are British in origin... you can't beat the Brits for a good insult!)

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but
by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man
I know."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill

"If he became convinced tomorrow that coming out for cannibalism would get him the votes he surely needs, he would begin fattening a missionary in the White House backyard come Wednesday."
-- H. L. Mencken talking about Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages.”
--Bary Goldwater

"The right honourable and learned gentleman has twice crossed the floor of this House, each time leaving behind a trail of slime."
--David Lloyd George on Sir John Simon (1873-1954)

"Posterity will ne’er survey A nobler grave than this; Here lie the bones of Castlereagh: Stop, traveller, and piss."
--Lord Byron (1788-1824) on Viscount Castlereagh, British foreign minister (1812-22)

"Here is the difference between misfortune and calamity: If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune, and if anybody pulled him out that, I suppose, would be a calamity."
Benjamin Disraeli (1804-81), British prime minister, on rival prime minister William Ewart Gladstone (1809-98)

"He would kill his own mother just so that he could use her skin to make a drum to beat his own praises."
--Margot Asquith (1864-1945), writer and wife of Prime Minister Herbert Henry Asquith, on Winston Churchill

"He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened."
--Winston Churchill on Stanley Baldwin

"He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty."
--Sam Houston, on Thomas Jefferson Green

"God damn your god damned old hellfired god damned soul to hell god damn you and god damn your god damned family’s god damned hellfired god damned soul to hell and good damnation god damn them and god damn your god damned friends to hell."
--Peter Muggins, American citizen, letter to President Abraham Lincoln

"As an intellectual he bestowed upon the games of golf and bridge all the enthusiasm and perseverance that he withheld from books and ideas."
--Emmet Hughes, on Dwight Eisenhower

And perhaps the most eloquent (and verbose) political insult of all time is this one, by Walt Whitman, on the people he encountered while attending a Democratic nomination convention:

"The members who composed it were, seven-eighths of them, office-holders, office-seekers, pimps, malignants, conspirators, murderers, fancy-men, custom-house clerks, contractors, kept-editors, spaniels well-train'd to carry and fetch, jobbers, infidels, disunionists, terrorists, mail-riflers, slave-catchers, pushers of slavery, creatures of the President, creatures of would-be Presidents, spies, blowers, electioneerers, bawlers, bribers, compromisers, lobbyers, sponges, ruined sports, expell'd gamblers, policy-backers, monte-dealers, duelists, carriers of conceal'd weapons, deaf' men, pimpled men, scarr'd inside with vile disease, gaudy outside with gold chains made from the people's money and harlot's money twisted together; crawling, serpentine men, the lousy combings and born freedom-sellers of the earth." (empahsis mine)

Pigskin Punditry: The high school game.

2008-09-08T11:35:00.005-05:00

"In short, in life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard; don't foul and don't shirk, but hit the line hard!" - Teddy Roosevelt

Friday night signalled one of my favorite events of the year: the beginning of high school football. Football is a cultural touchstone for rural communities in this part of the country, as shown by countless movies (a fun discussion topic for the comments section: what is the all-time best high school football flick?) In Oklahoma, many of our schools have football traditions that predate statehood. Players used to load up on flat-bed trailers pulled behind horse drawn carriages and travel half a day in rain, wind, or snow in order to test their mettle against the kids of surrounding communities. Some rivaling schools have played each other for over 100 years in a row, even staging exhibition games in years when growing or receding populations have placed them in different conferences. To this day, right or wrong, football players enjoy a special status in the community, one not awarded to other sports stars, or even to academic achievers. For instance, our high school team hasn't made it past the 2nd round of playoffs in over a decade, but after the game Friday night my nephew (a Senior, and the 4th generation of our family to don the orange and black) had an 8-year-old kid come up and ask for his autograph on the kid's football. He's never received such an accolade for his 4.0 GPA, and never will.

Aside from the excitement of the game, and the celebrity status of the players, HS ball is always a pleasure to attend for the nostalgia and tradition. Our school starts every home game off with the national anthem and a round of applause of all the veterans attending the game (Friday night's game had veterans attending from every war or military conflict since WWI). Then there are the high school bands, who belt out the fight songs and keep the crowds stirred up in spite of the band's diminutive numbers and lack of funding. There are always a few varsity players who have to rush out of the locker room, still donning half their playing gear, and strap on a dented-and-dinged tuba for the half-time marching band show (lack of marching bands and proper fight songs is one of the things that turns me off of the NFL... it's like eating a Big Mac without the special sauce). And then there is the half time an post-game socializing, where you see old friends and parents of old friends (and nowadays, kids of old friends) and do a little reminiscing and armchair coaching. Win or lose, exciting game or blow-out, these traditions help sustain the sense of community that is so important to small towns trying to be something more than budget bedroom malls for the larger surrounding cities. And these games are always best early in the season, when there is still a lot of optimism that the team may be great this year (an optimism that is as perennial as the coming of fall). The team usually isn't all that great (my high school team was terrible on a historic level), but it can take a few weeks to figure that out, and half the fun is in the anticipation.

If you haven't attended a high school football game since you were in high school, I encourage you to give it a try this Friday night. Big town or small. Even if it isn't the school you attended. Even if the team is horrible. You won't be disappointed.

This year, in our season opener, we jumped ahead of the #8 team in our class (we were ranked something like 32, squarely in the middle of the pack) 28-0 in the first half, thanks to a bad case of fumble-itis on their part, and then let them back in the game in the second half as they racked up 34 unanswered points. Just when it looked like we were finished, our boys put together an amazing 85 yard drive in the last 1:30 of the game to put us ahead with a final score of 38-34. All in all, our new no-huddle spread offense looked pretty damn flashy and even a bit Mike Leach-ish, but our defense has serious holes up the middle (both figuratively and literally). But to hell with it, I'm optimistic we can take state!

Do businesses pay taxes? You better believe it!

2008-08-12T11:39:00.007-05:00

"This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher." -- Albert Einstein, on paying his taxes.

The Associated Press ran a story implying that two thirds of US companies are somehow escaping paying taxes. This was based on a Government Accountability Office report that measured corporate tax receipts over a period of time. Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.) was quoted as saying, ""It's shameful that so many corporations make big profits and pay nothing to support our country."

Well, Senator Dorgan is the one who should be ashamed, because I am quite sure he knows exactly why the numbers showed a declining rate in the number of corporations paying corporate taxes: because the number of corporations who's shareholders have opted for pass-through taxation via LLC and Sub S Corporations have skyrocketed over the last decade.

Here is a quick business-tax primer:

When an owner or shareholder of a company opts for pass-through taxation, the profits they receive from their company are treated as personal income, and therefore legally shielded from corporate taxes. They pay income tax on these profits instead of corporate taxes, (however, they still have to shell out an additional 7.65% in FICA tax for every dollar paid out to employees).

This type of taxation is advantageous to small businesses (which make up the vast majority of US corporate entities) for two reasons:

1) It saves them from double taxation. If a small business is set up as a traditional corporation (aka a "C Corp") with a single shareholder, the owner has to pay taxes on his profits when they are first earned, in the form of corporate taxes, and then he has to pay taxes on those same profits again as income when the company pays him his share of its earnings. In prison, they call this butt rape.

2) It is easier (not easy by any means, but easier) to figure your tax liability if you can assume that the profits from your business are personal income.

There is a growing trend in US business to fractionalize and outsource business services, and this has resulted in an increase in the number of corporate entities in existence. Whereas in the 80's, the same company might have built a widget, warehoused the widget until it shipped to retailers, and then offered technical support and service for widget users, in today's business world these services are likely to be performed by three separate companies, all who may be owned (or not) by one parent company. And unless it is a publicly traded company, the odds are pretty good that these companies will be set up with pass-through taxation schemes. So the owners aren't paying corporate taxes, but if their business is profitable, they are likely paying much more in income taxes than the average American. The result is that the government is receiving less taxes in the form of traditional corporate taxes, but they are getting more (record levels, in fact) of taxes based on income tax.

If this seems like an awfully convoluted and assbackwards system, that' s because it is. I didn't make the rules, but I did have to spend a few months learning them before I started my business. I am very much in favor of creating an easier system, as long as it if fair. There seems to be an increasing desire among both political parties to go after businesses in search of more money (in fairy tales, this practice is known as killing the goose that lays the golden egg). Articles such as this one in the AP serve to convince people that the evil greedy businessmen are getting away with something and need to be reined in. The problem is most people don't understand how taxes work beyond a very basic level, and their eyes glaze over when you try to explain it to them. It is much easier to simply believe the claims of a politician ranting about privileged people avoiding their fair share.

Anyway, this really got my hackles up, because it was a blatant misrepresentation of the data with an obvious political agenda (which is what politicians do, I guess, but this time it felt like they were doing it to me). It was equally disengenuous on the part of the AP, who headlined the story in a way that misrepresented the facts.

If you find an American businessman who isn't taxed out the wazzoo, please send them my way. I want to know the secret.

Trip Report

2008-08-08T14:19:00.004-05:00

We had a great time on our river trip last weekend. Aside from the face-melting heat, I don't know if it could have gone any better (well, you can always stand to catch a few more fish). I was especially glad that my dad got to go. He did a trip on the Boundary Waters in Minnesota and Ontario when he was a Boy Scout, and my entire life he has gotten a little misty eyed whenever he talks about canoeing, which led me to wonder why we don't do more of it together!

Canoe camping is a great outdoor family activity. Unlike backpacking, you can really take a lot of gear with you, so you can camp a bit more comfortably. Being in good physical shape isn't as big a factor in canoe camping... you are sitting most of the time. The person in the back of the canoe sometimes has to do a lot of work, but the person in the front can take it pretty easy. And unlike a lot of car camping trips, in a canoe you can really get off the beaten path and into some seriously secluded areas. We floated 20 miles on our trip, and the last 12 miles of our float we practically had the entire river to ourselves. It's not quite Louis & Clark, but it's as close as you're gonna get to it in the modern world if you want to take your kids along.

The Buffalo River, where we went on this trip, is a perfect spot for family camping because the river is very mellow... nobody in our group ever tipped over a canoe. Another advantage is the the entire river is a National Park, so you can camp anywhere along its banks without worrying about trespassing. My dad and I are making plans to do a trip along some more robust rivers this fall, but will probably be on some stretches where the kids wouldn't be safe. We are definitely planning a family trip back to the Buffalo next spring, and I can easily see this becoming a yearly tradition. It was that good.

One thing about this river: If you want to pack some beer in your cooler for the trip, you better take it with you! There are a lot of dry counties in this part of Arkansas. My brother-in-law and I went in search of beer the night before our trip, and it turned into a two hour journey that included getting the shakedown from some old lady in a quick stop who made us put money in her tip jar before she'd give us directions to the beer store!

Here is a photo album my sister made of our trip:

Have a great weekend!

Row Row Row Your Boat

2008-07-31T23:49:00.006-05:00

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, business has been slow lately, and remains that way. It is always like this in the summer. Usually, my tendency is to fight it tooth and nail... to scrap and scrape and work and turn over every spare dollar I can find until all of our clients get back from their summer vacations and start doing business again. It usually makes very little difference, but at least it makes me feel like I'm doing something.

This year, however... I have decided to simply pack up and get the hell out of Dodge for a few days.

Until futher notice, I'll be here, enjoying time with my family, paddling down one of the last untamed rivers in the lower 48 states, sleeping on the sand bars, and maybe catching a few fish:

Catch you on the flip side.

-Eric

Inspiration

2008-07-18T14:32:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, running a small business is one of the greatest joys in the world.
This week was not like that. We had some expensive new problems pop up unexpectedly, and then a couple of old issues that I thought were taken care of creeped back up, resulting in one of our biggest and best customers being pissed off at us, and nothing we've tried to do to solve the problem is working, and no good solution seems to be forthcoming any time soon. To top it all off it is July, which is always the slowest month of the year (it has been for every single one of the 12 years I have been in this industry).

Weeks like this always cause me to reach in my desk drawer and pull out a crumpled old piece of paper with the following poem on it by Douglas Malloch. I have carried it around for inspiration for almost 15 years, and it alwys lifts me up. What about you? Do you have any poems, proverbs, scriptures, or sayings that help you keep swinging when you're against the ropes? Feel free to share them in the comments section.

Good Timber
by Douglas Malloch

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth,
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.

Rural Wisdom

2008-07-18T10:19:00.002-05:00

"I hope we never live to see the day when a thing is as bad as some of our newspapers make it" -Will Rogers, 1934

Pioneer Profile: Gloster Allen

2008-07-18T10:08:00.003-05:00

What are Pioneer Profiles?

Interview #4071
Field Worker: Maurice R. Anderson
Date: May 17, 1937
Name: Mr. Gloster Allen
Residence: Wynnewood, OK
Date of Birth: 1855
Place of Birth: Indian Territory
Father: Manuel Allen, born in Georgia
Mother: Martha Colbert, born in Mississippi

I was born south of Caddo, Indian Territory, Chickasaw Nation, in 1855.

I used to haul freight from Caddo to Fort Sill for the government. This old freight line went from Caddo, by Mill Creek, old Cherokee Town, crossed the Washita River there, and on to Pauls Valley; at Pauls Valley, then there was one store, on by Whitebead Hill, from where we followed the river until we crossed Hell Roaring Creek. Then we went due west to Fort Sill.
There were five wagons and each wagon pulled a trail wagon. I drove five yoke of oxen. I think the white man who drove the front wagon worked six yokes. there was a 'wagon boss' with us. He always rode a horse.

I remember my first trip. I was about 15 years old when I went to work on this wagon train. They had camps about twenty miles apart where we would camp and it kept us going to make it to the next camp by sun down. Sometimes we have got stuck and would lose an hour or so and that would make us late getting to our next camp. On this trip, we came to Cache Creek, east of Fort Sill. There was a bunch of soldiers there so we stopped and I saw my first scalped man. The Comanche Indians had killed a white man there about two hours before we came along and had scalped him. The soldiers rolled him in a blanket and took him to Fort Sill.

I was young but not afraid of anything. I worked on this wagon train for five years. Old Cherokee Town was one of our camping places and I have heard white men around the camp fire tell stories of the Cherokee Indians who used to be camped on the Washita River south and north of Old Cherokee Town. They said Old Cherokee Town was started by the Cherokee Indians and before the Civil War, a white man had a trading post at Old Cherokee Town.

My father and mother moved east of Old Cherokee Town and went to farming. That was before the railroad came through here. It must have been in the early eighties.

I remember it was about five years after we moved here that the railroad came through. I carried the mail on horse-back from Old Cherokee Town to Fort Arbuckle. the mail at that time would come from Denison, Texas, to Fort Arbuckle and I would make a trip over to Fort Arbuckle and back to Cherokee Town the same day. I have carried lots of money from Cherokee Town to Fort Arbuckle and never was bothered by anyone. I rode a fast horse and when I would leave Cherokee Town, I wouldn't stop until I came to Wild Horse Creek. There I would let my horse drink and on to Fort Arbuckle we went in a long lope. At Fort Arbuckle I would feed my horse and let him rest about two hours, while I was getting the mail, then back to Old Cherokee Town, we came in a hurry.

I helped haul the first load of lumber from Wichita Kansas to Fort Reno.

When my father moved east of Old Cherokee Town there wasn't a Wynnewod town then. It was a muddy bottom with grass as high as your head and just a few trees. You could find human bones and skeletons on the prairies around east of Old Cherokee Town when we moved there.
In those days it was easy to raise corn and anything you wanted to plant. There wasn't any cotton raised around here at all when we moved here. The first cotton raised around Wynnewood, was about 1890. I believe Old Cherokee Town was moved after the railroad came through. Mr. John Walner owned a store at Cherokee Town and when the railroad came through he moved his store to where Wynnewood is now. He owned the first store at Wynnewood. Mr. John Walner was killed by his nephew.

I didn't get to go to school very much. I still have the old blue back speller I first used and the only one I ever did use.

There was an old cattle trail coming from Texas to Kansas. I don't know where it crossed Red River but it came by old Mill Creek and went about a mile east of where Wynnewood, Oklahoma is now and on out and crossed the Canadian river near Johnsonville. When we hauled freight we would come over this trail until we got near Cherokee Town. There we would leave the cattle trail. I have seen as high as ten thousand cattle in one drive going over this old cattle trail. There would be a string of cattle a mile long and from fifteen to twenty Cowboys driving them on this wagon train I was working for. When we camped after supper the men wold tell jokes and sing lots of songs and they would have me to dance for them. This would take place at every camping place until we left Whitebead Hill, and from there on the men all were very quiet in camp. they were thinking about the Comanche Indians, but we never were bothered on any of our trips the five years I worked on it.

Anybody who was a citizen of the Chickasaw nation received a 40 acre allotment. I lived on my 40 acre allotment until I lost it, because I couldn't meet the mortgage when it came due. I now live in a dug-out one mile east and one mile north of Wynnewood, Oklahoma and draw the old age pension check.